In the quiet heart is hidden.

I'm thinking about things that make my heart hurt. I'm feeling very inspired by some amazing people who are incredibly resilient in the face of extreme adversity. I'm feeling grateful that my life feels so rich with blessings and I don't know what I did to deserve it. I'm feeling like the movie "Charly" is a sick joke and makes me cry so hard that I can't breathe... because she dies before her baby really knows her and that is the worst thing ever and I need to stop typing about it before I start crying again. (and actually i didn't just watch it...too sad. i haven't watched that movie for years)

Today was a day I took to mourn. This sweet girl I worked with from my hometown who was also in some of my classes died in a tragic accident. I'm not sad for her, because I know she is happier. (she was an angelic human being). But I am aching for her family. A family I've never met. I've been somber and numb all day, but at the same time I have been keenly aware of my loved ones and the blessings they bring to my life. I'm sad for Charly that she didn't get to watch her son grow up (even though "it's just a movie" as jeff would say). I'm heartbroken for any mom who didn't get to watch her kids grow up and any person who didn't grow up with their mother. I'm also grieving for any woman who wants more than anything to bear children, but they aren't able to. I'm crying for my friend whose baby died shortly after she gave birth. I'm sad that usually the condolences and sympathetic words are only extended for a brief period. But these people are suffering for much longer than that brief period. Because, "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that they eye can't see." 

 I'm feeling sympathy for my aunt who has faced more adversity than any person should ever face. She has lost a precious son and 3 siblings. The pain she has persevered through is unfathomable to me, truly. I probably think about her every day and sympathize. (because heaven knows i can't have empathy, for I have never experienced such intense pains or circumstances.) Along with sympathy, i marvel at the resiliency of her spirit. That she is able to not only continue to merely survive, but to actually live a Christlike life and be an example to me. To me, her life is a testimony that with the Savior's love and support we can truly do anything. 

I'm feeling like I have a lot to be grateful for. But on days like today, i'm torn between this fervent gratitude and the feeling of acute sensitivity to the pain that others are going through.

This quote I love-  and I pray it will comfort at least one person who is suffering through a seemingly impossible trial:

"When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship.....he will not press upon us more than we can bear." - Neal A. Maxwell. 

Also, this video. and this, and THIS.