UNCUT Valentine's Day Post.

Valentine's day this year was a good one. Jeff came home from PT in the morning and I set out this candy poster I made for him. His friends call him the candy man so this was the obvious solution to pleasing him on valentine's day.

Jane joined in on the festivities. And by that I mean she allowed me to dress her in her adorable heart vest that my mom sent her and consequently melted our hearts.

jeff ate all of the candy rather quickly, as i predicted he would. then we kind of just went about our day. jeff came home from class with a little gift. he got me a wooden plaque:

I thought that was really sweet and thoughtful. It really made me feel loved. Valentine's day is fun, but also annoying. I will admit. It's not supposed to be a competition to see whose husband/boyfriend is the sweetest, but sometimes that's what it turns into. And I guess the excessive bragging is warranted and nearly unavoidable. (i mean how can i not brag about this [insert romantic gift])? And here i am bragging about my husband, being a straight up hypocrite. (can't stop) I think I am still haunted by the monster of Valentine's past. There were many times when I was excruciatingly single. Just sitting in my room watching lion king all alone while trying to avoid the bombardment of everyone else's mushiness.

ANYWAYS, let's focus on how I am so not even close to single anymore and how great it is. That night we went to the military ball. I got all dressed up and even straightened my hair. I thought that was impressive (let's be real; i don't have more than 15 minutes a day to get myself ready usually so this was quite the feat.) But then I got to the ball and everyone had prom, professional hair-do's and i was like...oh hey, i did my hair. It was really nice to have a night out with jeff (complete with hot tubbing afterwards with friends). Thanks to my sister in law for babysitting on valentine's day! (we swapped babysitting nights.)

yeah we didn't really get any good pictures....haha i don't know why it has to be so difficult.

Valentine's Day was great. But life has been hard lately. Sometimes i get so bogged down with all the things I want to be. I want to be a good student, neighbor, ward member, and friend. Mostly though, I want to be the perfect wife and the perfect mom. But I've already completely blown any chances of being any of those things. Those people who proudly proclaim "marriage is a piece of cake! why does everybody say it's hard?" make me want to rip my hair out and give myself a big fat "F" in life. (note, I'm not saying my marriage is bad or anything- i would just never say it is a piece of cake. we both have to work really hard at it). I want my husband, when describing me to others in 50 years, to list off a bunch of admirable characteristics: "She never complained, we never argued, she was always kind, she was always serving others, her faith was so strong, she always knew exactly what to say, she was my very best friend, she was such a wonderful and loving and compassionate mother."  But sometimes i wonder if I will ever live up to the expectations I have set for myself. Why is it so hard? Why can't I just zigzag-snap my fingers and be one of those admirable women? So many women seem to have had it all together all along. Right when I feel like I'm doing well, I realize something else that I really suck at. It's like never ending! I'd like to think I'm not alone in this, but so many women I surround myself by seem to be doing better than me. I guess that's life though- progressing and improving myself each day is just a part of it. And I mean, if I were perfect than I wouldn't still be here on this earth being tested- and that would suck because jeff wouldn't have anyone to make him lunches or write his english papers for him. wait, what?