Avery's Birth Story

 I know I haven't blogged in years, but I've blogged about the birth of all my other children and I feel like I definitely want to have this one written down as well. My 5th and final birthing experience. I've kind of been in awe all week that there are 5 kids living in my house that are mine. 

A little back story; at 20 weeks I got my in depth ultrasound where the doctors measured my baby and discovered that- SHOCKER- she was very tiny. They measured her to be in the 2nd percentile. So immediately my doctor referred me to a fetal medicine specialist. This tiny little baby was monitored so closely for the rest of the pregnancy; and she never managed to get higher than the 2nd percentile. So my doctor, along with a few other doctors, highly encouraged me to get induced at 37 weeks. This was very scary to me because I've never been induced that early. (I was induced with jane, but it was 39.5 weeks) I was initially really not excited about that. I had been gearing myself up for another fast + furious birth at around 39 weeks like my past 3 births have been. My body has always recovered very well and all of my birthing experiences have been without any problems. I've always been so grateful for that, and so I was worried being induced so early would ruin that streak of amazing birthing experiences. 

But 37 weeks it was; and I went into the hospital on March 21st. Unfortunately they didn't let me come until around 3:30pm. I remember packing my hospital bag, the one I had mentally packed for months but felt silly actually packing until it was really go time, and then driving to the hospital with my mom while jeff picked up the kids from school and dropped them off at a friend's house. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my baby was about to be born. Can anyone ever wrap their mind around that? I've done this many times and it is still SO incredibly surreal every time. 

We got to the hospital where I took my last ever pregnant picture that I will ever take. Got checked in fairly quickly, and the nurse wasted no time shoving an IV into my vein, ever so aggressively, and swiftly after muttering the words "ah it blew." Not the words you want to hear after your vein was just stabbed. So then she switched to the other side where I got to get stabbed again. I've said it before and I'll say it again, IV's are my least favorite part of the entire experience. I stick to that sentiment. 

I decided for being induced this time, I would try pitocin as a last resort. I have given birth naturally with pitocin and without, and I can definitely say that with pitocin is much more painful and intense. So I asked if we could start by trying a cervical balloon as well as cytotec- it's a dissolvable pill you put into your mouth that is supposed to start labor. It took a good while for them to get either thing going; and once they did it was about 5. By then, Jeff and my friend Elizabeth who is also a doula had arrived. I felt super supported during this labor and I'm so grateful. 

My body wasted no time and within a few minutes I was having contractions. They were abrupt and consistent and growing in intensity. For the first time in my life I tried this thing called: not sitting in a hospital bed on my back for the entirety of my labor. Game-Changer-- Thanks to my friend Elizabeth who encouraged me to sit on a birthing ball, and try standing in different positions while having contractions. It was amazing to discover that the pain can be lessened depending on the position you are in, and the counter pressure being applied. Well these contractions, along with my cervix, were just delighted to stay where they were. I had contractions every 2 minutes for about 4 hours. I bounced a lot on a ball, listened to Kina Grannis, walked many laps around the hospital floor, and spent a lot of time saying "wow, this is so slow!" which Im sure was annoying to everyone else in the room. My body just has never been a slow and steady labor device so it was very strange. I was also starting to get really exhausted and sleepy. I wanted to take a nap but that isn't going to happen while in active labor. My mom and Elizabeth were starting to warm me up to the idea of getting an epidural- just so I can get a good rest before it got really intense. I was pretty determined to do it naturally so I really resisted and was flip flopping like a caught fish. But in the end I decided: yes to sleep. I told the nurse and she started pumping me with fluids to prepare me for the epidural. 

Elizabeth, after diligently helping me through all my contractions, also left around 11 pm after they checked me and said I was only at a 4. And since it was going so slow, I told her to go get some sleep. Well, right as she left the hospital and the fluids entered my veins, my body had decided to kick it up a notch. Or maybe 4 or 5 notches. 30 minutes later the anesthesiologist came in, and at that point I had progressed to a 6, almost 7. She asked me if I still wanted one, and since I knew at that point that sleep would not be a thing I was getting, I sent her on her way. I figured it would only be like 20 more minutes since once I get to a 7 usually- my transition goes very quickly. So as all hope of pain relief literally walked out the door, I geared myself up to get this sweet baby here. There were people filing into the room preparing the warming bed for the baby and doing all the other things to prepare for a baby being born. The hustle and bustle of baby preparation was actually so motivating and exciting for me. She really was almost here! She would be on my chest- and soon! And even though the contractions at this point were sending me to a whole new dimension, the excitement was my prevailing feeling. 

Cytotec, by the way, felt exactly like a pitocin labor. My contractions were SO long, and SO ridiculously close together. I really felt like I didn't even get any breaks towards the end. With every contraction, I envisioned my baby moving down, and closer to being in my arms. I also remember envisioning how excited addie's little face would be  meeting her baby sister and saying "cutie cutie baby!" as she giggles with delight. I also remembering saying "i hate ed sheeran so much, turn that song off." The song Shivers was on during a particularly gnarly contraction and the words were "oh, i love it when you do it like that" -- and it felt like the most unfit song for labor I could ever imagine. 

The nurse checked me around every 15 minutes once the contractions intensified. And while I thought it would only take me 15 minutes to go from a 7 to a 10, cytotec decided to give me the gift of a prolonged transition. I know I really can't complain because some women have labors that last SO. MUCH. LONGER. Slow clap for you all! It was probably an hour and half after I sent the anesthesiologist away that I was finally at a 10 and the doctor looked at me and said "whenever you are ready." in the most calm way possible. I remember him looking at me like he had complete faith in me- that this was MY birth and not his. His calming presence and trusting gaze was really empowering. With my mom and Jeff both by my side, I started pushing and I felt such a rush of joy when I could finally do that! It was really happening, and pushing pain is so much more preferable than contraction pain. I liked to use the word intensity instead of pain, and if you use it/say it enough, you can start to trick your brain into thinking it's not really pain. It's your body producing a miracle!

This tiny little angel made pushing a very quick job. I think I pushed through 3 contractions, and out she came. She waited for a little longer than I would've liked to breathe, and then when she did they whisked her away to the warming table. They had to be a little extra cautious since she was early and so small. I remember after they took her away the doctor asked me how much I think she weighed. My guess was 5 lbs 2 oz, and a few minutes later they announced she was 5 lbs. 3 oz! So close. After maybe 10 minutes, they finally brought her to me and we got to have our *moment*. The one I can clearly remember with all 5 of my babies births; the moment that makes every pain and discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth pale in comparison to the joy and bliss. It was 2 am but I felt more alive and grateful and full of joy than I ever have. Little Avery was in my arms and all was right in the universe.

By the time I got to the postpartum room, it was 3 am and I was SO, so tired.  Jeff and my mom went home because the other kids needed to be taken care of the next day, preferably by an adult who got more than 30 minutes of sleep. The nurse told me I needed to nurse in 45 minutes, so I set a 40 minute timer and that was about the extent of my sleep that night. Because after I nursed her, I just couldn't bring myself to go back to sleep. I just wanted to stare at her face. Also, the nurses just wanted to come in every 30 minutes to push down very hard on my belly, or to poke my tiny baby in the finger, or to ask me to rate my experience and provide feedback. (Sorry but 4 am is not the time for that conversation.) It took me a few days to bounce back from a middle-of-the-night birth (all my other ones were in the morning or afternoon!) 

light at the end of the tunnel

 2020 was a long, dark tunnel and I think we are slowly emerging. Victoriously? Eh, I wouldn't go that far. Hopefully and happily? Resoundingly. 2020 was the hardest year of my life. Maybe? Definitely the hardest year of my life since becoming a mom. (high school was no joke) Addie's sleep struggles really dominated the year, with a hard emphasis on complete and total isolation. Bad sleep and social isolation is not a great combo for me.  Days, weeks without seeing any other humans besides my family. We would sometimes escape to visit family for a few weeks, and guess who cared, or even knew about it? Nobody. I felt so unimportant in the world, but crucially important (every single second) in my own home. And although I knew everyone else probably felt similar, it was still quite lonely!

Anyways, yes lets just skip that year of blogging please and thanks and pretend it never happened. (Although there were so many positively wonderful things that did happen that I haven't documented super well!)

Since I couldn't possibly catch up on everything, here are some snippets of our life lately that give quite an accurate depiction of how things go around here:

We've got a good system that really works for everyone. We get breakfast, get dressed, the kids do their jobs. Then we move on to homeschool. Knock that out. Eat lunch. Straight to the park until it's time to come home and eat dinner. Notice how that leaves zero time for errands or anything of the sort. Park time is sacred time, not to be trampled on by a trip to UPS to return a package or the grocery store. Heaven forbid! We are so grateful for the many parks in our area. The kids take turns everyday picking a park to go to, and we usually invite lots of friends. This is recess: extended edition, if you will. Vitamin D is as vital as food and water for my kids. I also have loved that, despite the disheartening lack of nature (plants, flowers, trees, etc), my kids often spend most of their time examining the nature that surrounds the park. No tree goes unclimbed. No pinecone uncollected. No blade of grass overlooked. No pigeon unchased. Addie lives for the slide and the swings, which are both referred to as "Weeeee!" for obvious reasons. She is my most fearless child BY FAR and it is kind of terrifying. In fact, she has already broken a bone, which we will not spend time ruminating on, thanks.

Park picnics. Where I pack my children lunch and the only thing they eat are the snacks that they scavenge from their friends. 

The face of pure joy. I never get sick of helping her up and down the slide. Actually, that is false. But I really do love seeing her happy face peeking down from the top of the slide at me.

Another face of pure joy. Giving Lyla any piece of exciting news, big or small, results in this type of reaction. She is soooo fun to surprise. And it takes very little to make her this happy. (on the flip side, it takes very little to get a reaction of the opposite emotion...)

Adeline and her Blanky + Binky. She adores going down for naps and bedtime thanks to those BFF's. Can we just please have a moment of gratitude that she almost always sleeps through the night now? Hallelujah.

Speaking of Halleuljah. Hallelujah! Easter time. My favorite thing we did this year was memorize The Living Christ. Well, me, Jane, and Lyla! Some amazing lady put that entire document to music and so we learned 8 songs containing all the words. It brought the spirit so many separate times as we sang about Christ and deepened our testimony of him and his life. 

Lyla is officially a reader, and I feel like its as much of an accomplishment for me as it is for her. WOW it's hard to teach a kid to read. So much time and practice and patience. But it is so worth it. She is loving it!

I decided to really try to take a little bit of time a few times a week to focus on Cooper and age appropriate activities for him. We have his friend Niah come join us and they both love it. Whenever Cooper recognizes a letter on a sign or anywhere, he says "That's a part of my letters!" He is quite possessive of his letters. ;)

Lyla is finally getting into puzzles. They used to frustrate her too much but now she LOVES them. She finished her first 100 piece by herself the other night for her "special time" (My kids each have one day a week where they get to stay up 30 minutes or so later than the rest of the kids and choose an activity to do with me.)

The girls helped me to pick out new comforters for their beds and they are all of a sudden super excited to make their beds each morning. Please bless that lasts.

This past weekend, we had Will, Kaycee, Rachel, and my dad come visit for Easter/General Conference weekend. Consequently, my children got showered with attention and jelly beans. They had quite the crash today after coming down from that family time/candy high. Yikes.

But it was worth it, and so fun! We whipped out the back yard swimming pool that the girls "earned" with conference cash. Jane painted her heart out after Papa bought her a new set of paints and canvases. Cooper got to go golfing with the boys and was on cloud nine. Nobody ever expects a 3 year old to be able to handle doing 18 holes, but he is a champ. Of course he doesn't actually play all the entire holes, but he just has serious respect for the game and knows how to behave on a golf course. Lyla clung to Kaycee Lynn like a fly on poop, and Addie wrapped each and every person around her tiny little finger. We ate so much food, had perfect weather, and some seriously awesome games of Spike Ball. I think we are all a little sunburned and bloated from that weekend. ;)

To close this hodge podge of a post: a few pictures that I felt very much encapsulates my children.

Jane, in her harry potter robe, sitting outside, on top of the play house, reading a book. (Not Harry Potter; I'm forcing her to take a break and read other books after reading the whole series 3 times through, haha!)

Cooper, with his wrinkly nose smiles, feeling so proud of himself for spelling his name using all his favorite sports balls.

Addie, ruling the roost. Letting us all know that she plays by her own rules. 

Quarantine

My emotions have ebbed and flowed, spiked and calmed, flipped and flopped in the past 3 weeks. I'm sure many people are in the same tumultuous boat. For many of us, the pendulum is swinging from frantic & terrified to peaceful & grateful. I feel very grateful that we aren't affected too much by the world essentially shutting down, but my worries and fears have been for those who have been deeply affected. I feel helpless but so wanting to be a part of the goodness being spread. The kids and I have been doing little things here and there to try to lift others, but it feels like a tiny drop in the bucket.

Homeschooling hasn't been the worst. In fact, part of me really wants to just keep homeschooling. I love seeing my kids being able to be kids. Way more time for playing, leisurely reading, riding bikes, etc. The saddest part to me personally is that we just barely moved to a new place, we were starting to sort of make a few friends and get to know some people. But essentially, we are not allowed to make any friends right now. A little depressing. But again, a measly complaint when contrasted with the stories of people whose lives are being upturned. Some of the saddest stories I've heard: one couple's IVF transfer got canceled. Having a child you've been sacrificing so much for getting canceled is about the worst thing I can imagine. I have some friends and cousins whose weddings got canceled! Such a bummer! Missionaries getting sent home from their missions, from amazing places like New Zealand in the case of one of my cousins! So many family trips being canceled. So many jobs being canceled. It is so eerie, and every day living in this shut down world feels so similar to the way a nightmare feels. Kinda weird and discombobulated and unbelievable.

So there are sad things, for sure. Awful things, for sure. But, I'm putting my John Krasinski hat on and focusing on the good things. There are so many of them. So many people with huge platforms are using them for good, to raise money for those in need. Bill Gates coming in clutch as usual. I so admire the people who have more than they need and are willing to figure out ways to give their excess to people who need it more than they do. Just like Mr. Rogers said: "Look for the helpers!" This world is full of them and I want to hug each of them.

The biggest tender mercy in this whole situation for me personally is the weather here in El Paso. I've raved about it every single day we've lived here. So far, I have yet to go outside and feel cold. I have yet to go outside and feel hot. It is perfect weather and we take full advantage. Lots of long runs for me, and SOOO many walks & bike rides & hikes with the kids. Lyla learned how to ride a bike with no training wheels. Picked it up in a hot second and is now cruising along like she's been doing it for years.

So far since there has been no school, we've done a unit on clouds, rocks & gemstones, and this week we are learning about Russia. I love learning right along with them. We only do a few hours of focused learning a day, but Jane's activity of choice during free time is usually learning oriented. i.e. reading, audiobooks, word searches (her newest obsession), playing board games (she is currently learning to play chess), and lots of baking. Yesterday, she made banana bread 100% on her own. The only thing I did was take it out of the oven because she isn't real interested in burning her arm off. There has also been ample time for jane to learn her first tiktok dance, inspired by Uncle Will and Aunt Kaycee.

There have also been SO many opportunities to be problem solvers and peace makers. Oh the sibling rivalry is real and nearly constant. But sometimes the giggles of the three older kids are echoing throughout my house and I just savor those moments. Lyla usually stops when that happens and asks "Mom, is that your favorite sound in the world?" because she knows that it is.

Honestly this is such a boring blog post but it's better than documenting NOTHING. So here you go, a mediocre, quarantine cliche blog post.

 Multi-tasker extraordinaire: listening to a book and digging for gold.

Jane's "uplifting" chalk art.

 This is me saying YES TO THE MESS if it means my kids are playing happily together. They made a very intricate living space for themselves.

 Cooper's language is exploding finally. He loves everything. Literally everything he gets excited about. Moving vehicles, animals, anything in nature, letters, colors, people. He says "Hiiii!" to every person we ever walk by.

Cloud in a Jar. The easiest and coolest experiment!

 Sedimentary//Igenous//Metamorphic Rock experiment. It was a fun one. 

 Making prayer rocks for rock week. How fitting!

 Cooper stretching with me after my run. I love that little boy so much. And how he is my little shadow. And how he says "Hop-a-doo-doo" when you ask him what a rooster says.

 One blissful afternoon when Lyla got Addie to sleep and then fell asleep herself. Pinch me. These girls both protest sleep for a living, so it needed to be captured. Addie likes having a blanket by her face when she falls asleep. Have no fear that I'm a hovering little bee making sure she can breathe.

 So we got a little crazy for April Fools day this year. I gave them water mixed with powdered cheese and told them it was orange juice. I also put cups upside down on the table with water in them. If you ever want to get a completely dramatic overreaction from a prank, or from anything at all, Lyla is your ideal target. We also did a "silly dinner" they had to roll dice to decide on their food. Jane ate chicken nuggets out of a mug and Lyla ate ramen noodles with a spatula. A really easy way to transform a lame dinner into a "mom, you're the best ever! let's do this every year!"

 Let's not forget Conference Weekend! What a perfect time for reassurance and peace to be infused into our souls. We had lots of activities to keep the kids engaged and they loved it.

 Not even a huge cinnamon roll fan but these are absolutely heaven! It was good that we gave some away. 

 We took the kids on a rocky hike which was the perfect field trip to wrap up both cloud and rock week. The girls proudly proclaimed that they were mountain goats and really loved the hike. I love the skies in El Paso. They are so BLUE and the clouds are always different everyday.

 This little baby completely rules the roost over here. She is starting to scoot and have cooing conversations with me and is the rolliest little baby around. We are all so obsessed. There is just no other way to put it.

The garage has been Jeff's project the past few weeks. He built shelves coming down from the ceilings to hold all of our bins, and he built a table to work on for all future wood projects. He is so awesome.