using a hot glue gun on my baby's head. like a champ.

the other day i was talking with some moms in my apartment complex about hair bows. I was telling them how I make a lot of my own hair bows by buying some cute flowers and hot glueing them onto a headband. Well, without me realizing, they quickly switched the topic to glueing little bows onto their baby's head with a glue stick. One of the moms said "i've never been able to glue bows onto my baby's head." I then chimed in all chipper and asked "Have you tried a hot glue gun?"

THEY ALL LOOKED AT ME LIKE I HAD JUST COMMITTED A MURDER.

i was talking about hot glueing the hair bow onto a headband.

they were talking about glueing with a glue stick straight onto the baby's head.

so, they thought i was saying i used a hot glue gun on my baby's head to glue a bow on.

audible gasps all around.

after giving myself a very sarcastic pat on the back, i explained myself. but i don't feel like i completely redeemed myself. 

so, next time they are having this conversation i'll make sure to tell them about this stuff i found called girlie glue.

It is specifically made for glueing little bows and flowers onto baby's heads.

It is made of AGAVE NECTAR and all other natural ingredients, and in my opinion, is much better than just using a glue stick. (see, i don't suck! look at me being all natural and organic and stuff)

it washes out super easily but it holds up really well. best of both worlds. those things are on jane's head and they are there to STAY! let me tell ya....

maybe i can tell my friends about this stuff and they will no longer think i abuse my child with a hot glue gun, and that i have some sense in my brain after all.

one flower... two flowers.... oh- endless possibilities. HA!

if you want to get some, which i highly recommend, you can head over here. i love that they also have cute felt flowers like the one seen above. so simple, so cute. i am such a sucker for cute baby girl hair accessories, it's one of my biggest weaknesses. and now I'm a convert to all natural hair glue...yep. girlie glue has won me over.

driving into ditches is one of my hobbies.

the other day i had to rush out the door to drop jane off at my friend hannah's so i could go to class. (luckily i only have to do this for 2 hours a week. all the other hours jeff is with her) I verbally abused myself under my breath as i once again was learning the hard way that in order to be on time, i need to put in consideration that i have a baby to pack up and get ready too. not just myself. and i also need to remember to add an extra 5 minutes because jane usually has an explosion from one or both ends RIGHT before we head out the door. so that happened. one day i'll get it down i swear.

in all the rush and confusion, i forgot my phone which was awesome because, well-i had no idea where hannah lived. so once i had driven a good 2 miles i realized that there was no way i was going to magically stumble upon her apartment. i also wondered how in the heck ANYONE EVER LIVED WITHOUT CELL PHONES!! like, what did they do at air ports when your plane landed? how did they coordinate ANYTHING? I'm fairly certain that everyone must've been lost and confused 90% of the time.

anyways. i decided to flip a U-turn on the worst road ever to flip a U-turn on (turns out). there was this big huge ditch...also let me just complain about the fact that this was a super abnormal ditch. the kind of ditch that has no business existing. anyways.....i flipped a U-turn and saw this ditch and thought to myself "man it would really stink to get my car stuck in that"
.....and, well...
this is what happened. I'm even kind enough to illustrate and grace you all with my astounding artistic ability.

so there i was. stuck in a ditch. like, really stuck. the car wouldn't budge. luckily my friend nina was with me. after sitting there dumbfounded for quite some time, up walks this nice strong man. he is trying to help us but isn't succeeding. all of a sudden...there was like 10 guys. they all started coming out of nowhere. they must've all been staring out their windows just waiting for a pretty girl to get stuck in a ditch so they could come out and help. and the pretty girl i am referring to is my friend nina. she was with me and she was the one outside of the car. i was just sitting in the car all like "der derrrrr i don't know what to do."
i felt like i was in a musical where people keep popping out of places you didn't even know existed and joining in on the song. the only difference is that they weren't singing. but really it was weird. also awesome because they eventually all put their muscles together and lifted my car out of the ditch.  i said thank you (a lot of times), gave them each a cookie (i just happened to have a fresh batch in my car. no joke), and then i drove away, pretending to be a normal person who hadn't actually just drove straight into a ditch.

needless to say, i was late to class.


anyways, here are 2 pictures that i took right before we went to go watch jeff's ultimate frisbee intramural game. they have nothing to do with driving into a ditch. they mostly just makes me happy.

I'm obsessed with this hat my sister in law made. (thanks again cami!!) she also sells them on etsy. you can buy some here

all in a day's work

ok I'm LOSING MY MIND.

literally. its ridiculous.

and the fact that I'm divulging this information to all of you kind of solidifies the point

i had a special day yesterday

*disclaimer, if you continue reading, you aren't allowed to judge me.

actually you are. i mean you are going to either way.

first of all, i forgot to put on deodorant.

yeah, 5th grade gym class days coming back to haunt me.

so yeah,i did that. and smelled real good.

 i went babysitting and my friend who i was babysitting for bought me lunch.

with chips and a soda to go with it.

well i left the soda in her car.

so it was just sitting there reminding her that she wasted money on me.

probably still is.

this next one is where major judgment may take place.

i was in a rush in the morning and i was too busy thinking about

bringing jeff's lunch, my backpack, and all the other things

that i just kinda forgot how to dress myself.

i forgot to wear a bra. 

really?! WHO DOES THAT?

i didn't realize until i was walking up to my first class.

and you can bet that my arms were crossed that whole time

and i drove home immediately after to mend the humiliating situation.

honestly, i've never done that.

i don't think many grown women have.

its quite impressive actually.

so then i decided to be productive and go to the gym.

i guess carrying my backpack plus my gym bag was too overwhelming

for me to remember that my cell phone exists.

so i left it in the bathroom that i was changing in.

no exaggeration, this is the 6th time in the past MONTH

that i have lost my phone.

previous to this month, i've lost my phone maybe like twice

my whole life.

jeff is used to random people calling me telling him that they have his wife's phone.

it happens like every other day...so...essiting.

also when i was in the gym i was running on the treadmill

and i looked over at the mirror to see if i look like a noob when i run.

well my not so subtle glance at the mirror resulted in me putting my foot

off the treadmill and almost falling.

the guy next to me was really scared for my life

and made sure to keep his eye on me the rest of the time to make sure

i didn't kill myself.

so moral of the story, i do look like a noob when i run.

i also got tired in the middle of the day and walked all the way to my car to take a nap in it.

i mean, my brain obviously needed to be recharged.

and gregory house.

i don't know if i've ever taken advice from him before

but i think today i will.

because this quote makes me feel better about myself.

some REALLY great things must be right around the corner for me...

awkward moment of the week.

so.

i was having a little picnic with my husband

 with pretty much nobody around us on campus- which is a rare treat.

 there was only ONE person within 50 feet of us in any direction. 

i went to go sit down and there was this weird, brown unidentified object just chillin'

 and i didn't really wanna sit on it so i picked it up and tossed it nonchalantly.

 suddenly, in mid air, this weird thing started to move in slow motion as i realized its probable fate. 

i crossed my fingers that my hypothesis would be wrong, 

but unfortunately i was spot on....

that nut i threw went right down the girl's shirt.

do you even realize how small the chance of that happening is??

she was probably 12 feet away from me

 and so it was close enough to where i had to apologize...

and considering we were the only people within the vaccinity-

 i really couldn't just look away and pretend like it fell from the sky.

 so i awkwardly confronted my self made predicament and apologized profusely.

 she was not happy- not one bit. 

because really, it seemed incredibly intentional. 

her response? "what was that?!" in the most disgusted and concerned tone possible.

 my reply? "umm a little brown nut...or something."

 then our conversation abruptly ended and jeff and i tried not to laugh 

because- she would've heard us.

 all we could do was sit there and look at each other

 and silently yet simultaneously agree that i was a fool. 

so, random girl, if you are reading this

{because obviously my blog is world famous and everyone does}

i am sorry that i threw that unidentified object down your shirt.

an almost pivotal moment.

so ask anyone i know how i feel about animals
and they will tell you that i am the worlds smallest fan.
kinda always have been.
but every once in awhile, i come across an animal that
is kinda sorta cute, and my stubborn hatred
for furry creatures seems to diminish for a small moment.

this happened the other day.
little chihuahua. big brown eyes.
probably 4 inches off the ground- TOPS.
he was curled up in a little ball next to my leg.
i recognized i was having one of those
aforementioned 'moments'.

i looked up at my mom and said...
"ahhh, i kinda like him."
then i took an even bigger leap of faith
and started petting his little head that fit
nicely into my palm.
we were having what seemed to be animal-human bonding moment
five strokes of serenity was followed by a sixth stroke
that resulted in a loud yap
360 degree body turn, teeth into my finger.
that stinkin dog BIT ME.
he bit me for stroking its head.
excuse me, dog.
it happened in half a second...
he was sitting there all innocently and deceivingly,
then all the sudden he snapped his body in half
in order to perfectly align my finger in between his two ridges
of devilish canines.

i pushed him off the couch and tried to take back
every good thought i had of him.
i informed my mother that i no longer liked him\
and then sat there, bewildered, and betrayed.
with a red, throbbing finger.

sooo anyways, id say in terms of animals
and my aversion to them...
back at square one.

sorry animal lovers...
i really did try.

one fine dtr

this is a story from my point of view
with a few interjections by my one and only :)

i remember one night when jeff and I were first dating
we went to dinner at café rio 

 (I love that place... its a perfect place for a dinner-date because you get to know a lot about their preferences in food... On this date I quickly found out some things that Kerri does not like! Tomatoes, guacamole, lettuce, black beans, limes in a salad, pretty much anything that comes on a Cafe Rio salad :) I think she got a burrito :) ) 

ok so what if i am the pickiest person known to man...judge me.

and then to his childhood park.  

This was also a test to see if she could recognize the importance of that park to me. Good job babe :) You passed that one.
we listened to the song ‘Amazed’  by lonestar in the car 

(never heard of that song before... I must not have been paying too much attention to the radio.)

it was that weird stage
where there is an almost tangible feeling of
curiosity and mystery
not knowing what the other one is thinking.
anxiety would sneak up on my heart frequently,
feeding me with worrisome thoughts like:
"oh no, he just broke up with a girl.
this can only mean one thing
im totally the rebound."
oh, that was so not ok.  

(I felt pretty sure that she was having those doubts. Kerri isn't one to hide her emotions too well, and so I could almost see it on her face.) 

he tells me he thinks im a really cool girl but all I hear is
‘whats goin on rebound girl?’ 

 I couldn't just flat out tell her I was crushing on her way fast, cuz that would have totally freaked her out and scared her away!
and im thinking…oh nothing, just being your rebound.
so then I asked.
{after maybe 3 dates, mind you.}
“am I just a rebound girl? Cuz im not really cool with that”
he was caught off guard, I do believe. 

 (Yes, definitely caught of guard.) 

partially because of my sudden boldness
and partially because of my awkwardness.
bold awkwardness. It’s a real thing. 

of course he said I was not a rebound girl.
what kind of guy would say
“why, yes. You are my rebound girl. Glad you figured that out so quick.”  

(Yeah! No guy would say that, whether it was true or not!)
still, at this point I wasn’t sure if I believed him
but then, he told me he liked me.  

i reciprocated.
and i told him to 

not kiss me.
for a long time.  

(this also caught me off guard. But I liked it.)
if he was just looking for a rebound, he would not be a fan of this idea.
the whole no kissing thing.
but he agreed with the sentiment.
and we decided if we were to date- it would, and I quote,
“not be for just kicks and giggles.”
(I knew she might have thought that she was a 'rebound', and I had planned on telling her that night that I was not going to kiss her until we were very seriously dating. So I was THRILLED when she suggested it to me. I knew that if there was a way to prove I really did like her, that was it. )

so we were just sitting in the well warmed car
in the parking lot of my apartment
having our first DTR
in an abnormal way
he was wearing a flat rimmed hat
the way he always does
slanted up and just a little bit crooked, touching one ear. :)
and I was wearing….
well, I don’t remember. But he might remember.
Jeff? ;)  

No clue. Thankfully I know Kerri really doesn't care about me knowing what she wore on that day. If she was the type of girl that did care about me knowing and remembering those types of things I wouldn't be marrying her.  

{^smooth save jeffrey}

he was late for work, but he talked to me instead.  

sacrifice- its essential sometimes, Guys.
he was saying things like
“IF we were to start dating…”
i didn’t like the word IF.
not one bit.

 I knew she didn't like that word, and that it exactly why I said it. I didn't want to leave that "DTR" being her boyfriend, I just wanted it to be clear that I was interested in getting to know her better and that if things continued to go well then I'd be happy to make things a little more official. 

i hated the thought of not being in his future.
that thought just didn’t seem right.
but I was also a paranoid crazy head.
my emotions were just being thrashed around
in all sorts of directions.
in case you haven’t gathered that so far.

after concluding that we both liked each other,
that Im paranoid,
and that he may or may not be a player,
he drove off into the sunset.
or…into the stop light.
i sighed as he drove away and ran in
to tell my roommates about our conversation
obviously. 

 i was hoping that would happen. I hoped that she'd tell them that I told her I, too, didn't want our relationship to get super physical and hoped that they would be able to remind her that she WAS NOT a rebound girl.
i didn’t know how it would end up then.
but I do NOW :)
and boy oh boy am I satisfied. 

 As am I :)
moral of the story?
you’ll never know if he can catch you
unless you jump.
i jumped, thank goodness!
and to make sure to not end this story with a cliffhanger.
NO- I was NOT the rebound girl

and…we still both like each other :)  

Correction, we love each other. More than anything in the whole world. I am so grateful that Kerri had the guts to trust me and stick her feelings out on the line, knowing fully that they might be hurt if I secretly was a dirt bag. There is no way we'd be where we are without her courage. Thanks, Sweetheart :)

born of boredom

what happens when me, nina, and claire get bored on a saturday night?

we sit down. get a piece of paper. write down weird/awkward questions...

(with the help of my cousin kara)

and then go knock on random apartments and ask them these ridiculous questions.

with completely straight faces. 

we told them we were doing it for a project that we cannot reveal at the time.

we made people feel awkward as all get out.

this is hilarious. seriously. watch it.

LOL. right?
what was the funniest part to you? :)

Because mirrors stick out too far...

Hi. My name is Kerri, and today I ran into a cop car.

There. I said it.

But all I did was crack its sideview mirror. As well as mine.

Does that sound so criminal to you?

Well, it sure as heck did to the cop.

I got out of my car and he yelled at me to get back in. 

As if I just murdered 10 innocent children.

Drivers License? Left it at home.

PERFECT.

Then he informed me that I just did a HIT AND RUN on a cop car.

Uhh, I hit the car, had a mini heart attack and-

EXCUSE ME, had to find a parking spot.

Apparently I was just supposed to stop right there.

In the middle of the road.

And block all traffic for an hour. Ok. Sorry sir..

He still was convinced I was a dirty rotten, pig stealing, great great CRIMINAL.

Until I started crying.

OH yeah, by the way. Me and Amy did NOT end up climbing the incline.
Which is where I was driving to. (Sorry again Amy)

In case you were wondering.

Then he went a little soft. But still made me come into the police station and wait.

And he gave me a nice little ticket.

And no- not a plane ticket to leave the country. I wish

A ticket that will wipe out my wallet.

Just in case the car damage wasn't going to cost enough.
Good riddance to maybe splurging on a new camera. Or new clothing.
OR food for next semester.
Instead I get to pay for being a "careless driver"
I'd say I wasn't exactly being careful. But not careless either.
It was more like, half my cares had to do with something else and the other half had to do with driving.

Do policeman make everyone cry?

Because they do to me.

I cried for like an hour straight. Those guys are intimidating.

At the end of this whole thing he really said:

"Have a nice night ma'am" 

uh YEAH. Suuuure.

I was actually planning on going home and singing happy songs about sunshines and rainbows.

THE NERVE.

Although there was one good things about this night.

I realized how AMAZING my parents are.

Neither of them were mad, and my dad even came all the way down to the police station.

And stood up for me. Even though everything was already said and done.

So, I guess- there is the silver lining.

Oh and on the way home I had to tie my cracked mirror (that was hanging by a wire) back together with my shoelace.

Genius right? A lady saw me doing it in the gas station parking lot and said

"Oh did you lose a mirror?"

UHM.....really?

no I didn't. I just enjoy tying shoelaces onto my car mirrors.

Well. Thats that story. 

What a life.

LATER.

Song of the day: Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson (the song that was playing when the police came to my window. Definitely a song a criminal would listen to.)

Awkward and Awesome.

I'm going to tell you a few of the awkward and awesome things that have occurred in my life in the past couple days.

AWKWARD.

1. Going babysitting at 9 at night and knocking on the wrong door. Seriously. Who does that? The lady who answered looked like I had possessed green eyes whose only intention was to steal her children.
2. Being a non-crier and randomly bursting out into tears after a missionary farewell talk (like my 99th one, i should be used to it by now). The missionary just pretends he doesn't see my leaking eyes and awkwardly says "uhhh you'll be fine Kerri."
3. Someone at work telling me I have dirty footprints on my butt in front of like ten other co-workers. uhhh...pretty sure nobody stepped on my butt. I definitely would've noticed.
4. One of my co-workers sticking a key chain that says "hottie" on my register, walking away, and not talking to me for the rest of the day. What do I do with that?
5. Volunteering at the air force and trying to make small talk with the basics. "how was your day?"... "it was just great ma'am" (they say in a sarcastic robot voice)
6. Driving the wrong way on a one way street and getting a huge serving of honks with a side of mini heart attack.
7. Someone telling me that I look like I'm 24. I honestly don't know whether to take that as a compliment or a put-down. So I threw it into the awkward category.
8. Standing right next to the little kid I'm babysitting as he tells this random lady that her baby is ugly. I tried to casually run away from him as if I didn't know who he was.
9. Having one ear that is popped and one that isn't. It's like my voice is on speaker phone in my own body.

AWESOME
1. My brother mowing a smiley face into our lawn.
2. Jimmer drafted as the 10th pick in the NBA.
3. Driving down Pikes Peak during sunset and looking down what they call the "bottomless pit"

4. Getting pictures sent to my phone of three different temples in two days. Courtesy of Hannah Bishop being on vacation.Here is my favorite:

5. Being reunited with my roommate after 6 months.
6. Watching the Bachelorette with my brother and 9 of his closest friends...who were so quiet by the way. NOT.
7. My dad seeing my toes and pulling out money immediately for me to go get a pedicure. I guess this could be awkward too since my feet are obviously horrifying- but I got money and a pedicure so I'm calling it awesome.
8. Getting 3 letters in 3 days from awesome missionaries. Charlie (Hong Kong), Neil (Bulgaria) and Jared (Paraguay)
9.Helping my friend Jessica make her wedding invitations. First time I've ever done that. Aren't they cute?

10. Putting on my dream wedding ring. (I know, I know too early to even think about that, right?) But I just loved this ring. Even though I'm light years away from getting married, I tried it on and got butterflies. Weeeeird! It's my friend's mom's second wedding ring. It looks A LOT better in person but here is a rough depiction of what it would look like if I were engaged and had the ring of my hearts desire. Although there are plenty of others I'm sure I'd love to.

LATER

Dear Kerri, Im going to make you extra ugly today. Love, your eye.

So sometimes one of my eyes...or both of them just decides to swell up for no good reason.
Maybe the reason is for me to know what it's like to look like a female hunchback of notre dame or something.
Well it works.
Today I woke up with a swollen eye. Not the first time. See for yourself.

Right Eye. This was not the worst that it was on this occasion but you can definitely tell it is swollen.

BOTH eyes. Even better.

TODAY. Right eye. Obviously

 Can you see the resemblance?

I can.

This is my life. I guess I should embrace it.

Song of the day: Unbeautiful by Lesley Roy {very fitting, haha}