some things...

it's been an emotional week

in a good way

except for the fact that everything in my life {besides jeff}

is completely on the back burner

part of me is so stressed and frustrated with myself

and the other {more dominating} part of me is just too happy and in love to give a care

i have a fiance 

i am a fiance

i am in love

i am loved back

what the heck else matters?

i submit: nothing

please do not judge me and think i am an irresponsible, careless person

i really am not.

anyways, jeff is leaving this weekend

that will be the first time we have gone a single day

without seeing each other since we started dating

and now we will go three days

intense

it is good preparation for this summer i guess

{not thinking about it, not thinking about it}

i will leave you with a few things. 

that may or may not be essential to your eternal well being.

happy thing: general conference is this weekend

funny thing: bailey's friend got pulled over for speeding and was told she was going 30 mph over the speed limit. her response? "oh sorry, would you like me to back up and try again?"

hahaha. what a champ. i would just cry.

lame thing: waking up early to study and/or work.

correction. every morning. not just mondays.

awkward thing: I'm so used to stroking jeff's arm and the other day i was looking over becca and ben's {her boyfriend} shoulders and i started stroking ben's arm. nonchalantly and almost involuntarily. he noticed though. and told me to stop. so i did.

annoying thing: when commercials lie to you and make you feel like a fool.

for example:

stinkin' neutrogena

spiritual enlightenment thing: “When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—

no matter how eloquent the oration.” ― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

- sometimes it is assumed that if we just pray, heavenly father will get things done for us. that is not the case. all the prophets and heroes of the scriptures always exhausted all options before asking the Lord for help. nephi is an especially good example of that.

one more thing: music of the week here

 {finally! it's been awhile, get off my back- i'm an engaged woman}

im gettin' married!

ok. 

most monumental post.

OF MY LIFE!

i am engaged!

to the love of my life

and my best friend

he totally surprised me!

we went ring shopping yesterday and i picked out a ring i liked and everything

but i guess the only reason for that was to throw me for a loop.

he certainly was not planning on getting me any of those rings.

why?

oh, he already had one. no big deal.

let me just tell you all a secret about me.

i am REALLY hard to surprise.

really good at putting things together and ruining it for myself.

but jeff knew i was hard to surprise

and did everything to trick me!

{youuuuu sneaky MOM!} 

my roommates knew too and they didn't even blow it.

so here is the condensed story:

he told me he wanted to take me on a nice date last night.

he even got one of my co-workers to work for me.

i thought "oh how sweet of him"

and maybe for one split second thought maybe it was a little more than a date.

but then i shook that thought away almost instantaneously.

because that was impossible, he couldn't  have the ring yet.

well he picked me up from work and we went to his grandma's house.

soon to be my grandma's house. ;)

such a sweet lady, she gave us marriage advice.

perfect timing for that, little did i know.

so we left her house, she lives right on this special park

that jeff built with his family and spent a lot of his childhood.

our special place.

i saw the pavilion in the park from afar

it had lights strung all around it.

"jeff, why is the pavilion all lit up?"

"i don't know, lets go check it out"

*oh shoot, frogs in my belly*

....complete silence....all the way across the field

...mind going crazy.

it couldn't be possible, kerri.

but it sure looks like it...

{internal conflict, obviously}

as we got closer, i tried to say some words to him

these are the words that came out:

"jeff, are there lights here all the time?"

{i obviously knew the answer already}

"no kerri, i don't think so"

then i knew.

"WHAT THE HECK JEFF?!?!?!"

when i got closer and saw this:

we walked down this little pathway to paradise.

i saw a little red box.

he got down on one knee

and asked me to marry him 

{i think, it was all kind of a crazy blur}

i was so not cute about it.

i didn't cry or anything cute.

more like "what the heck?!"

and "are you serious?!"

{i always told myself i wouldn't say that lame phrase}

*unattractive squeal*

then i kissed him a little bit...

still in shock!

and asked "so does anyone else know about this?"

"yep. come on out guys!"

then my roommates came out of the dark abyss

and attacked me.

and admired my BEAUTIFUL ring hardcore.

{which jeff picked out all by himself. well done babe.}

we laughed, i screamed, we hugged, we kissed {just jeff an i}

and then i said 

"i love you fiancé!"

and he said it right back. 

oh man, guys.

it doesn't get better than this! :)

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

oh and you know that little love story tab?

the one I've been waiting to fill things with ever since i had a blog?

well i can now.

and i did.

read it here.

oh i love my life! :)

true love...

...is something i finally understand
and is captured in the lovely picture below.

see? :)

yeah, he really did paint my toes.
and there was no coercion or bribery involved.
just love :)
{the real good kind}

how did i get so lucky?

i will NEVER know.

also. i'm aware i look like an awkward pretzel ball thing.

great thanks.

im also aware that you probably wish that my boyfriend was your boyfriend.

sorry about that.

he is all mine.

i really am so in love
and i think its about time to start telling the world about it.

moments

moments are the molecules that make up eternity.

i am so grateful for my moments.

they are mostly pretty great.

here are a few of the moments that have been making up my eternity lately.

awkward driving moments.

+ running out of windshield wiper fluid while driving through a snowy canyon- so ideal.

+getting a flat tire in the middle of a frozen tundra at 2 in the morning 

+having to drive 20 mph under the speed limit- another consequence of the flat tire incident.

+thats not all. getting pulled over. cop thought jeff was drunk:

     what the cop said: "you were going extra slow, and your eyes look mighty glazed over"

     what jeff said "sorry sir, i just got a flat tire and OH YEAH its 3:30 in the morning" 

   - what the cop seemingly does not understand is that eyes tend to glaze at that time of night (after driving for 10 hours) all on their own. imagine that.

the moments that made it all worth it.

+getting home at 5 in the morning, sleeping for an hour, then waking up and surprising my family with breakfast. priceless. 

+this picture:

+ this boy who made us laugh until our abs were ripped.
{one of the possible explanations for jeff's six pack. yeah. be jealous}
for example:

caption:

"ooh look at this cool rock"- william

"dude that is a buffalo chip" - jeff

"im gonna draw a picture with this rock on the sidewalk" - william

"dude, thats poop!" - jeff

"ahhhh!!" *drops what he now realizes is animal feces*

+ colorado sunset

+wearing matching hoodies with brendon. and making matching faces. 

and workin' it like no one's business.

+my cousins all sitting and ready for family scripture study. so presh. {john was having a demon moment. its fine. leave him alone.}

+learning a hymn in another language. yeah yeah yeah. no big deal. (czech)

listen to us singing it here if you feel so inclined.

+ watching aforementioned sunset with THE best boyfriend everrrrrr.
yeah i said boyfriend. get over it.
and yeah i know what you are thinking- this is me we are talking about.
but yes, he IS a real boy. AND he is amazing. and he likes ME
I'm still getting used to it too, don't worry.

ok. raise your hand if you are jealous of my moments.

*ehem*...you should all raise your hands.

I really think that we all have beautiful moments

that we sometimes let pass us by.

we don't realize how special and precious our moments are

until we are looking back, with fondness and nostalgia.

i've done that lots of times, sadly.

but i've discovered that

life is so much happier when you try to recognize and appreciate the beauty of your moments

while they are happening.

and thats what I'm doing right this moment.

you should too.

:)

czech? check.

you know what rocks? 

missionary pictures. 

like this one, for instance.

you know what makes missionary pictures even better?

when the missionary is a stud, 

and he is already home from his mission.

so you don't have to admire from afar for two years.

it can be like, in person.

this is a new thing for me.

and i think i like it :)

{note: this was taken in the czech republic

this info may help you to better appreciate my punny humor on the title of this blog}

another thing that rocks...best friend coming down from idaho.

hangin' out with her like it's 2009.

you know what double rocks?

both of the aforementioned people.

in one night.

oh yeah everybody is jealous.

with love

shower the people you love with love :)

sometime we take love for granted.

the people who we know love us the most, we serve the least.

our family, friends, leaders, etc.

that should change.

think about all the people who love you.

and do something nice for them today.

shower them with love.

remember that

love and service are the most powerful pair.

we should use them together more often.

they only bring about the best feelings life has to offer.

and this i say

in honor of valentines day. i guess.

even though it's the worst holiday ever.

EVER.
{well besides st. patricks day-
umm excuse me please i don't know you, you have no business pinching me}

if any of you are bitter on this day,

...like some of us women tend to be-

then focus on all the other people who love you.

it doesn't have to be a significant other.

don't let the lack thereof keep you from

realizing that we are all surrounded by love.

and then giving it back in return.

shower the people you love with love. 

always.

and in the words of sara bareilles:

you're only gonna get what you give away, so give love.

:)

keep an eye out for these criminals.

im so scared right now.
there are so many criminals running lose.
here on this very campus.
yes, you heard me right. don't believe me?
please observe the byu police beat.

+"there was a call made about some loud voices out by wyview park. when the police got  there they realized that there was a group of students playing a game where you act out  adverbs. the adverb they were acting out was 'angrily'. no harm was made." +"a man was reported walking into the Wilkinson center with a rifle case. when officers arrived, they discovered the 'rifle case' was actually a walking stick. this is not the first  time officers have responded to this man." +"two people were reported looking at bikes in heritage halls. when officers arrived,  they discovered they were parents of a student who lives there and they were waiting  for him to get out of church." my commentary: oh my heck...i feel uncomfortable sharing a campus with people who participate in such scandalous and deplorable behavior despicable.

anyways time for a little personal update.
 exciting things are happening to me.

my love life is blossoming!

...into an awkward, droopy little flower. 

and it is totally ok.

you guys don't believe me, probably.

so i found an illustration that is very fitting.

here i am.

in all of my unrefined, blundering glory.

 sad, yes. but it makes life funny.

it makes me laugh.

like LSHMSFOAIDMT

what is that jumble of letters?

it represents me

laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and i drop my taco.

happens alllll the time. 

jealous of my life much?

frogs.

this past week has been ridiculous. to say the least.

i have been deliriously happy, completely distraught, content, stressed out of my mind, spiritually uplifted, and frog-bellied...

wait. pause. i know what you are thinking.

frog-bellied is an abnormal slash non existent term.

well im telling you it exists right now.

it is when you see someone and all of the sudden there are frogs having a hopscotch party.

in your stomach.

without your permission.

sometimes people get butterflies.

do i get butterflies? no. i get freaking frogs.

it's fine.

but really. it is crazy. you have got to experience this odd frog sensation. 

but i fear this may be one of those freak things that only happens to me.

but this is actually the first time this has ever happened to me.

when my little frogs pay me a visit, they are usually accompanied with a percussion band.

who then proceed drum my heart out of my chest.

it is not normal.

boy. 

stop making me feel absolutely pathetic.

and making slimy reptiles hop around in me.
i feel like a fool.

so just stop it.

thanks.

so you were just the recipient of a frog bellied explanation. 

whether you wanted to be or not. 

moral of the story: you never know what life will throw at you.

after that rant i feel weird bring up anything spiritual.

but id just like to mention that without the Savior, i would not have been able to function this week.

i know He loves me. and listens to me. and answers my prayers.
and cares about even the little things in my life.
if you don't already know. He loves you just as much. promise.

in conclusion. listen to this great song

All About the Heart by Mindy Gledhill

Dandelion Seeds Fly Away Everyday.

Ok so nobody reads this blog so I don't even care about trying to be clever or whatever anymore. This is just mostly for me and for my future family to read if they have any desire.

So today I got super excited because I got a letter from my favorite missionary in the whole world.

I might secretly want to marry him...

It has been 2 months since I got a letter which is a really long time for him.

I feel like I just got dumped by a missionary who wasn't even "my missionary"

He might as well have said:

"I really don't care about writing you anymore, this may be the last letter you ever get from me. It was fun getting your hopes up while it lasted..."

Why am I not surprised?

I have discovered that at about 8 or 9 months into a mission, missionaries tend to lose all desire to write letters.

It is good because obviously it means that they are immersed in the work and amazing missionaries.

But it is mostly just depressing to be honest. Especially this time.

Pure joy and excitement turned to that gut wrenching sad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Weird how often that happens to me....

Good bye dandelion seeds. See ya never.

Deal Breakers

You know how sometimes you go on a date and the guy does something
that causes you to be like "Uhmm, Nope!"

Here are some of those things that make it happen.

...In case anyone was wondering how to NOT obtain the key to my heart. 

DEAL BREAKERS:

+ Cat lovers. Take your pick- it's either me or the blasted cats. End of discussion.

+ Bad breath, If it smells that horrible in any given moment of the day, I don't even want to imagine how it would smell in the morning.

+ Holding hands/Kissing or anything "couple-like" on a first date (especially blind date). Heck no. Goodbye forever.

+ When guys try to pack all their missionary stories/good samaritan stories into our first conversation. Humility is key, guys. I will be able to tell if you are good without all of those I basically walk on water stories. I love hearing about missions and stuff, but try not to shove it all in my face in one sitting.

+ Guys who are only nice to girls they are attracted to. All other people are unimportant. Being nice to everyone is way more important than whether or not you are just nice to me. hellooooo!

+ Players. Obviously. No boys, we do not enjoy being part of your little game. Thanks though.

+ If you are more stylish than me/care more about clothes than I do- it just won't work out. Sorry!

+ If you have to have the latest and greatest technology all the time.

+ Splurgers. That word is the synonym for future marriage disaster.

+ Try-hards. Just be yourself! Please? Please! PLEEEEASE?!

+ If you don't appreciate music, you won't last a week with me. 

+ You text another girl when you are with me, better yet while we are cuddling- uhh see ya! And yes, that really has happened to me. No Joke.

+ Normal-ness. It is just plain boring. And being normal just would not at all collide with my not normal-ness. Try to find a happy medium between normal and energizer bunny.

+ If you don't like card games and/or you don't care if you win when you play them. Do you know how fun it is to play cards with someone who doesn't care whether or not they win? Uhm, it is up there with watching paint dry and writing research papers.
+ If you wear those preppy tank tops and are serious about it. Just does not float my boat.

+ Someone who doesn't put the Lord first in everything. (this should be a given but I had to say it just to clarify)

So there you have it. Kind of a long list. Everyone will probably think I'm a picky, critical, horrible human being. but hey, I'm being honest. Think as you wish. When it comes to finding someone to marry, it matters. Haha.
Unless I marry/date you, I really don't care if you do any of these things.

Mayyyybe one day I will date an exception to one of the rules.

Wouldn't that be rebellious? Breaking my OWN rules...oohhh.

It would be nice...

Don't read this if you are wanting to be entertained. This is just for my sanity's sake.

It's one of my few..maybe my only not-so-happy posts.

Let's remember, I am human. 

Not a fake barbie with a smile plastered on my face for time and all eternity.

If anyone knows me, they know I canNOT bottle anything up.

That's just impossible. It all comes gushing out like an avalanche unless I get it out in a timely manner.

I was just thinking about how it would be nice to go on a date.

A good one though, not one of those dates that just sucks out all your energy (along with your interest)

To just go on a date and... (like Taylor Swift)

Sit on a park bench and think to myself "Hey, isn't this easy?"

It would be nice to be surprised and flattered instead of either:

"what took you so long?" or, my personal favorite--

"well, there are plenty other fish in the sea."

I've had to pull the latter one out frequently in my dating lifetime.

And quite frankly, it's gettin' real old.

ALL the girls in the good movies and good books and good real life stories can find love.

It's SO easy for them. Effortless.

All those girls are chased and convinced by their true love.

And yes, that DOES happen in real life.

But not all the time...

And not to everybody.

You know how the guy always falls for the girl in the book?

He always describes how this one particular trait of hers-

the one that takes his breath away every single time he looks at her.

the one that strikes him the first time he ever saw her and makes him feel like he never had before.

Yeah, that would be nice.

Wanna know something that wouldNOT be nice? Guys who:

--are so freaking shallow that once they meet your friend who is prettier, you're as good as dead.

--think that once you leave for two months... you're also as good as dead.

{And they can go ahead and mack on the first female that waltzes their way.}

yeah sure- that's totally fine thanks for asking!

--or who thinks he can write you love poems where the word love actually means "I just want to be friends." {excuse me for not knowing that, kind sir}

 Yeah, it would be nice to NOT meet those guys.

Oops. Too late.

All I know is, people who do have love- shouldn't take it for granted.

I know I wouldn't.

Remembering.

Sometimes you don't get over things.

No matter how ridiculous they seem.

Sometimes your head says "NO!" while your heart screams "YES!"

And you can't help it.

Sometimes the same memories run through your head. Every. Single. Day.

But those same memories do not cross anyone else's mind. Ever.

Sometimes, remembering sucks.

You love, and love, and love. Falling out of this does not exist in your world.

Sometimes you don't think it is bearable.

and you feel like this:

But then you remember you have happy medicine.

Happy medicine saves lives. All the time. Everyday.

There are different types. First is reading the scriptures or the words of the prophets. Truly-- chicken noodle soup for the soul. You see the big picture and remember that "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" {D&C 18:10} {and YOU are one of those souls} and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Then there is music. Pure JOY and bliss and every happy word in the dictionary that just fills you up, almost like getting your batteries recharged {this scripture does similar things: Mosiah 4:27}. Then there is running. Running requires breathing hard. Inhaling and exhaling. Did you ever stop to think why this is? It is because you are exhaling the pain and inhaling the beauty and goodness that you tend to occasionally overlook. Quite convenient. There is more medicine too. People. If you stop thinking about your own pain, and focus on THEM and serve them...suddenly your problems are nonexistent. Poof. Gone. Magic. {so, does this mean Harry Potter does exist?-- ugh i wish.} It means that Heavenly Father exists and He will always love you. He's looking out for you. The only guy will who will always be there for you and love you unconditionally. All the happy medicine is proof of that. 

This is all completely hypothetical...of course. 


Ok so back to the non-hypothetical ramblings...my song of the day is. Drumroll please...
Lovely Obsession by Caleb Blood {this color denotes a link if you haven't figured that out yet...so that makes YOU a click away from listening}

A Boy Brought Me Flowers!

Ok...so what if he is 4 years old (if that). And yeah, maybe he did pick them off of the neighbor's tree. Who cares if he can't say his R's resulting in a pronunciation of my name that is almost not recognizable: kewwi wogoes? What's it to ya? I'm not going to let a couple years...a couple feet....a couple dollars...OR a couple of silly letters in the alphabet steal my thunder. A boy brought me flowers and that's all that really matters. :)

P.S. Men: (I highly doubt anyone of that gender even read this, but just in case), I'd recommend getting tips from this cute boy James :) He knows how it's done. 

LATER

On my mind...

There are always a lot of things on my mind. Right now there are a few things. First thing is AFRICA! Next year at this time that's where I will be, and I really am soooo excited! I can't wait. I'm going to Lugazi, Uganda and I want to work in the orphanages with the little kids. Oh my. It'll be the best. The only reason I don't want to go is I know that when it is time to go, I won't want to leave. I'm sure I'll get attached to a lot of the people there. That is, after all, what I do best. Sometimes, actually-- a lot of the time, that is inconvenient.  Anyways, I just can't wait to go there and completely just give everything I have to help the people there. There is nothing happier than that! So here is the video about where I'm going if you are curious. Be careful though, it might make you want to go really bad!

Ok, what else is on my mind? Oh yeah, I miss a whole lot of people! My BYU friends, my missionary friends, my friends at Medallion, and all my extended family. I'll talk more about those people later because they are the best. There is a little piece of my heart that I leave with every friend I make and every place I go. Sometimes I am amazed at how many places my heart can be at once; but it's also ridiculously confusing. I can't wait to leave a piece of my heart in Africa!