END OF PREGNANCY.

38.5 weeks

Wow, those women who are like "yeah my third pregnancy just flew by because I was so busy and distracted with my other two kids".... yeah CANNOT RELATE. My girls keep me plenty busy, wiping bums, teaching letters, cleaning up messes, singing songs, reading books, cooking meals and more meals and more meals. Nesting/deep cleaning like a maniac. I keep busy, I promise. But that in no way affects how SLOWLY this last month of pregnancy has gone. I am in a mental state that I've never quite reached before. I've told myself that I just "forgot" how anxious and consumed you get towards the end, but Jeff and I both agree that this time is somehow MUCH worse than the other two pregnancies. It has been SO hard. I think it's because I finally can truly grasp the concept that a real live baby is about to come out of me. (I feel like it was still too surreal for me the first two times.) I am soooo anxious to meet that baby.

The hardest part is I have been having SO MANY CONTRACTIONS. Oh my gosh, I promise you I know what a Braxton Hicks contraction is, and these are not them. For the past few weeks I have them daily, sometimes sporadically. But the past few days they have gotten much more intense and regular.  If you look up on google "when should I go to the hospital?", I should've gone about 4 times by now. Wow, can I just tell you, this is not only physically challenging- but incredibly mentally challenging as well. Every time those darn contractions start I wonder "could this be it?" and its just not. It's just a whole lot of pain for nothing. I was hardly dilated today when I went in for my appointment. (I think, there is a little bit of a language barrier-- they don't use terms like effacement and dilation, so I'm just super confused.) All I know is that I'm having contractions that feel like labor, yet they are doing nothing. This is not fun. Doesn't help when Jeff says "you are just thinking about it too much, they are probably just Braxton Hicks..." So I'm feeling mid-range labor contractions and then look like a crazy person when I have nothing to show for it.

I'm also MUCH bigger than I've been with the other two pregnancies too, and more hormonal, emotional....it's just not fun. Not sleeping well, which is probably a main contributor to the emotional-ness. We are all SO ready for this pregnancy to be over. Jane has started crying a few times this past week because she is "sick of waiting for baby brother"....or maybe she just wants her happy, energetic mom back ;) Haha. I've taught Jane all about contractions and cervixes and all that good stuff, because homegirl leaves no question un-asked.

I really feel mentally prepared to give birth. I'm not even a little bit scared this time around, I've done a lot of mental prep. Reading books, tips on natural birth, and listening to positive natural birth experiences. I have nothing but excitement towards my impending labor. I'm trying really hard to be spiritually prepared as well, and to strengthen my connection with heaven. For some reason pregnancy hormones (especially the ones in the beginning and at the end of pregnancy) always make this aspect of my life more of a challenge. I mean I don't want to just blame everything on hormones, maybe it's some sort of mental block I have. Whatever the reason, I could definitely stand to improve. I just hope this baby can come home to a loving, safe atmosphere, one that won't contrast heaven, his most recent atmosphere, so much.

me and my hospital bag, NOT heading to the hospital. 

we spend HOURS a day reading lately. So grateful my girls never get sick of being read to.