Lyla: A Birth Story

Let me preface this by explaining the preparation for this birth. It may have been more traumatic than the birth itself. I got to Germany expecting there to be an American hospital with American doctors. But then I found out there is not a hospital on base and I would be delivering at a hospital where people don’t speak the same language as me. In a place that is quite notorious for pretty much sucking at giving epidurals. I heard a lot of epidurals-gone-wrong stories. One too many. SO, even though I was fully planning on getting an epidural with this baby, my plans began to change. I started to get into full on natural birth preparation mode. Slash full on panic mode. I spent a lot of time asking advice from experienced women- my mom, my mother in law, and my sisters in law mostly. The more people I talked to, the more confident I became that my body really IS made to do this! Although there was still a hefty amount of fear mixed in with that building confidence.

Ok. Onward. I started having contractions on the weekend. Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Each day I seemed to be having more. I felt like they were painful, but figured they were just Braxton hicks because I could still function totally normally. I texted my mom that I would be suuuuper annoyed if these contractions were completely unproductive!  I felt such an excitement to meet my baby that I didn’t think I should let these small contractions get my hopes up. I remember on monday night, I asked Jeff to start timing them. I felt ridiculous even asking, although they were 5 minutes apart! I still shrugged them off as braxton hicks. 

Fast forward to the next morning. We all got ready in a hurry (read: messy bun and no make up for me, no "cute" hospital pics for !) and headed to the hospital for my last doctor’s appointment. I was one day shy of being 39 weeks, and the previous week I was 2 cm. dilated. I was just hoping I’d be 3 cm or have some sort of sign that my body really was doing some productive things to get this baby here. My doctor checked me, and his eyes widened. He was speaking german to the midwife who was there and I was like “oh hey…wanna tell me why you are looking like a cartoon character with that ridiculous expression?” He made a big circle with his hands and said “6 centimeters. You are staying here.” I started laughing incredulously and repeated the phrase “are you serious?!” like 10 times.

I hopped right off that chair and started to put my pants back on like a frenzied maniac. I kept missing the leg hole…the midwife had to grab my arm and say “slowww down!” I took a deep breath and pulled up my pants like the real adult that I am. Ran out into the waiting room to jeff and said “I’m having a baby today!....Jane, baby sister is coming TODAY!”

“I wanna hold her.”

“I wanna hold her!”

Repeat phrase 10x by the big sister-to-be : )

It made me a little sad when jeff had to leave with her. She really wanted to stay and meet “baby sistuh”.

I kinda just waited around all nonchalantly. As if I wasn’t in labor and ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!! After about an hour, they got me into a room and started me on a very low dose of Pitocin. I had the most overwhelming flood of emotions. I was giddy that I was going to be holding my sweet baby. I was giddy that I was no longer going to be pregnant. I was giddy that Jane finally got to meet her sister. I was giddy that I was already 6/10ths of the way there. I was TERRIFIED at what was to come. I knew; and my spirit knew, that I was about to do something really really hard. But really really rewarding.

The trusty contractions started up, and soon after, I put on my enya playlist. I was under some delusion that it would keep me calm. It kinda did, But only for the first 40 minutes of painful, but bearable contractions. They hurt, but they didn’t make me want to scream and swear. I was chatting Jeff’s ear off trying to keep distracted. I also remember envisioning the waves of an ocean come in and out each time my uterus contracted, and it helped. The calm music, the envisioning, the breathing, all of that can only help you up to a certain point. And that point- where all logic, reason, and sanity is lost? They call it: transition.

Those bad boys started. The ones that every woman who has given birth naturally warns you about. Lucky for me, it didn't last too long. I had about 10 excruciatingly painful contractions. 2 of them I felt like I needed to push with every fiber of my being; and when my nurse said I wasn’t allowed to, I wanted to squeeze her head off.

Jeff was trying his darndest to make things better for me. But like I said before, I was past the point of no return.

“Do you want to hold my hand?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!”

“Do you want a pillow behind your back?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!!!”

“Do you want to lay on your side?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!!!!!”

Etc. etc.

I mostly didn’t care about anything but the pain stopping.

After my water finally broke (at like 9.5 centimeters), I was screaming, loudly. And making some seriously crazy faces that apparently made jeff have to muffle laughter. (He tried to re-enact said faces afterwards and he had me giggling. I’m glad he didn’t laugh though because it would NOT have been ok at the time.) I also started shaking and sweating a lot. At one point, in the VERY SHORT time in between contractions, I remember putting my hands to my mouth and saying “Why are my teeth vibrating?” It was strange. 

FINALLY though, I was allowed to push. This was always the part that scared me the most about childbirth. I've heard it described as the ring of fire and I've never been anxious to willingly sign up for such a sensation. But honestly, the sting of the pushing was relieving the contractions and it almost hurt in a good way. I wasn't even crying or screaming because I knew my baby was RIGHT. THERE and it made it so much easier to deal with the pain. It was empowering. I pushed through three contractions. THREE. And boom, it was over. The pain was over, and was replaced with the most heavenly JOY and relief! I had a baby and I felt it all. I felt like I was an active participant of bringing her here, as opposed to my first birth where I felt more like an active observer. I was so darn proud of myself. I did something I had convinced myself that I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to do. I was elated that they gave my baby right to me and let me hold her for a good 20 minutes before they weighed her or anything. (6 pounds 2 ounces. 18.5 inches long. Perfect in every way.) She was really there, in my arms. I was not expecting her to come early, but it was the best surprise of my life! 

Lyla Kimberly Andersen. I held her and cried. She laid on my skin and calmed down. She was kinda squirmy and fussy after a few minutes though, but then jeff put his hand on her head and her body just relaxed. She loved her mommy. She loved her daddy. And holy cow did we love her! Love is such a pathetic, insufficient word when you are trying to describe the feelings you have for your brand new baby.

Back to reality for a quick second when the doctor said he needed to stitch me up. UGH. But I'm supposed to be done... Well, he checked me and declared that I would not need ANY stitches! I was BEYOND thrilled. All the prayers that were given on my behalf certainly were working their magic in that delivery room.

She nursed a bit, and slept on my chest for about 2 hours. We had some quality staring sessions too where I got to look into her fresh-from-heaven little eyes. I found myself fighting the familiar battle of sleep vs. staring at my sleeping baby. I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep, but I guess the desire to stare at her won out because I never did get any snoozing in. (...still haven't)

I didn't get very many pictures. With Jane, I had my sister take pictures throughout the whole process. This time, Jeff was the only one there besides the doctor and nurse; and he was busy having his hand being squeezed off by yours truly. And afterwards, both of my hands were too occupied to take very many pictures.

I’m writing this about 4 hours after she was born. I want it to be fresh. Plus, they took her away from me so I have no motherly duties at this moment. I hate that. I hope they bring her back soon. 

Next, I will write about the hospital stay. I was going to do it all in one post, but as I'm trying to sort out my thoughts, I'm realizing I have a whole lot to say. Aaaand Jane just went down for a nap, which means I have two hours to try to get Lyla sleep and take a nap myself. ahhh :) That just sounds a lot better than blogging right now. My apologies.

Jane: A Birth Story

here is the documentation of, hands down, the BEST, most joyous day of my life. and when i write about the best day of my life, it isn't going to be short.

i jumped up off the couch and within 2 seconds my blaring alarm was energetically turned off. After a night full of anything but sleep, the moment of anticipation had finally come. it was 5:30 am. I was supposed to be at the hospital at 6am. after shuffling around pretending to be gathering stuff that in reality had been gathered for weeks, we were out the door.

i didn't eat anything before i left because I wasn't sure if i was allowed to. rookie mistake number one. i got to the hospital and they denied me food but said that i would've been fine had i eaten right before i came in. awesome. okay, actually not awesome. but the awesomeness that ensues later on in the story makes up for it, let's be grateful for that. the flavored ice chips were great, but they weren't bacon egg and cheese biscuit great. moving on. they started me on pitocin at 7:30 am. go ahead and ask me what we did from 6 to 7:30. i could not tell you. i think i mostly watched jeff eat his bacon egg and cheese biscuit and lamented over the fact that i was not doing the same thing. they told me to expect a long labor since it was my first and since i was being induced. the average was 18 hours. truly, i was expecting a 24 hour labor or longer.

they stuck the IV in my hand. i cried. jeffrey snickered under his breath and texted my mom "5 minutes in and she is already crying...it's going to be a long day." but seriously it hurt. she missed my vein. and then it just really stung for a long time. and i couldn't move about the cabin the way i wanted to, if you know what i mean. ball and chain. they checked my cervix and i was dilated 2 cm, 80% effaced. minutes later, the contractions started. and they kept going and going. they were 8 minutes apart for probably an hour, then 5 minutes apart for about 3 hours. they hurt- but not agonizingly so. they just felt like bad period cramps. for the first 4 hours i was pretty happy to be 'in labor' but not writhing in pain. this is me smiling in between contractions.

so, it had been 4 hours at this point. my doctor came in and checked me. i was at a 4. i was pleased with the progress. and then? he broke my water. it was a weird feeling. like i was just laying there peeing myself uncontrollably. so that was fun for about 4 seconds until the contractions went from bearable to "so this is the infamous labor pain!" they started to HURT. and kept getting worse. soon they were 2 minutes apart. i had to squeeze jeff's hand and kick my feet into thin air and unsuccessfully think happy thoughts. definitely the worst pain i've ever felt. at this point, the word epidural started to swim around in my mind. i wanted to be tough. but the thought that the pain would actually get worse was unimaginable. shout out to all those women who have chosen to go natural- i seriously am in shock that you were able to do that. make yourself a medal. so after an hour of painful contractions, i requested an epidural. best decision ever. oh man i just wanted to invite the anesthesiologist into my home, make him a turkey dinner and then kiss him. i didn't even feel the needle, but sure enough, my legs started getting warm and tingly. my gritted teeth quickly transformed to a delirious smile. i was in heaven.
i was even happier when they checked me after they gave me an epidural and i was at 5 cm. yippee! HALF WAY THERE!

guess what i did after that? i texted everyone in my recent contacts that an epidural was the best thing on this planet, as if they were wondering. and then i enthusiastically rejoiced to my family about how awesome it was to not be in pain. i felt like i was on cloud nine. and then with a smile on my face, i took a nap! i was in full blown labor and i took a nap! see what i mean about the best thing on this planet?

i woke up an hour later (it was about 3:30 pm at this point, a little over 7 hours total in labor) when my nurse came in to check me. she was awesome by the way. i told her i was so glad she wasn't a grumpy, impersonable lady. that was one of my biggest labor fears. so she checked me and nonchalantly said "you are at a 9".....WHAT?! i dilated 4 whole cm by taking a nap. this was too good to be true! i was seriously in shock! she went to call my doctor so he could start making his way over. i was having a baby. for real. and it was happening SOON.

my doctor came in 30 minutes later to check me. yeah, my baby's head was making her way downtown. his eyes widened and he started scurrying around getting everything set up and hoping my baby wouldn't just fall right out. at 4:10, i started pushing. on one side, the epidural was not quite as strong so i knew when i was having a contraction. i just felt a lot of pressure, and i knew when i felt that it was time to push. so i felt a contraction and i pushed. i pushed with more energy and passion than i knew i was capable of producing. i grit my teeth and closed my eyes. it was the most empowering feeling ever. she started to crown on the second push and there was immediately this spirit in the room that is indescribable. i pushed through two more contractions, and she was out! 7 minutes of pushing? not too shabby!

then i saw her. i saw my child. my daughter. the one that had been inside of me for the past 9 months that i never thought id actually meet because it seemed too surreal. she was purple and slimy, but i've never seen something so beautiful in my life. i'd never felt such an overwhelming feeling or even known such a feeling existed in the magnitude that i was feeling it. i started bawling. there was nothing i could do but cry and shake and reach out for my sweet little baby. they put her right on my chest. all was right in the world. all was more than alright. beauty and joy in its purest form. 'this is what life is all about' is what i thought to myself the second they laid her on me. but really, this is what life is all about. "happiness is the object and design of our existence"and if this isn't happiness at it's finest- then nothing is!
after an emotional observance of my new baby, i told my sister to put food in my mouth ASAP. it was necessary.

our little baby weighed in at a whopping 5 pounds 13 oz. 18 1/2 inches long. tiny little girl.

she kicked me constantly. she made me puke hundreds of times. she caused constant fire in my throat. she turned me into a sick, tired, zombie for 7 of the 9 months. she took a toll on my body- physically and emotionally, that's for sure. but oh, she was worth it. ten times over.  she is my little miracle. my angel. and in one sudden moment, my whole world.

oh we love her!

i seriously canNOT believe she is actually here! it felt like i was pregnant for years. and therefore it felt like the day would never actually come. but here i am, sitting in my humble apartment with my sweet little baby sleeping on my chest. sticking her bum out and puckering her lips. i can't tell you how many hours i spent daydreaming of this very moment. and it's sort of ironic how we just spent a fortune on hospital and medical bills, yet it seems like i won the lottery. like, the power ball and then some. the gratitude in my heart seems to be spilling out into a big puddle of love juice everywhere i go. i look at my baby and half the time i have to hold back tears. i don't know what i did to deserve this- but i am one happy and grateful girl! 

jeff is such a wonderful dad. my heart literally almost bursts each time i see him with her. fireworks in my chest! he is so smitten. he was changed in an instant and the love he has for this little girl was startling to him. i am so happy knowing that he will be the father of my sweet daughter. it is such an amazing thing to become parents together. our love for each other has grown exponentially. seriously?! who even knew there was this much room in a heart for love??? are you kidding me?! it's really good you guys i totally recommend it. the whole, getting married and having a baby asap thing,,,,

we are a little bit obsessed :) i'll show you a few pictures and you will be too. 

oh, little baby jane. you are loved. excessively so.

and i can't post this without a shout out to my wonderful mother. she has taken care of me so well. i don't know how i would have done this/would be doing this without her. the only reason I'm able to write this out right now is because she is just busy being a saint and doing everything for me. i also appreciate her now more than ever. caring for a child as a mother and having a mother to care for you are 2 of earth's greatest blessings. thanks mom!