Lyla: A Birth Story

Let me preface this by explaining the preparation for this birth. It may have been more traumatic than the birth itself. I got to Germany expecting there to be an American hospital with American doctors. But then I found out there is not a hospital on base and I would be delivering at a hospital where people don’t speak the same language as me. In a place that is quite notorious for pretty much sucking at giving epidurals. I heard a lot of epidurals-gone-wrong stories. One too many. SO, even though I was fully planning on getting an epidural with this baby, my plans began to change. I started to get into full on natural birth preparation mode. Slash full on panic mode. I spent a lot of time asking advice from experienced women- my mom, my mother in law, and my sisters in law mostly. The more people I talked to, the more confident I became that my body really IS made to do this! Although there was still a hefty amount of fear mixed in with that building confidence.

Ok. Onward. I started having contractions on the weekend. Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Each day I seemed to be having more. I felt like they were painful, but figured they were just Braxton hicks because I could still function totally normally. I texted my mom that I would be suuuuper annoyed if these contractions were completely unproductive!  I felt such an excitement to meet my baby that I didn’t think I should let these small contractions get my hopes up. I remember on monday night, I asked Jeff to start timing them. I felt ridiculous even asking, although they were 5 minutes apart! I still shrugged them off as braxton hicks. 

Fast forward to the next morning. We all got ready in a hurry (read: messy bun and no make up for me, no "cute" hospital pics for !) and headed to the hospital for my last doctor’s appointment. I was one day shy of being 39 weeks, and the previous week I was 2 cm. dilated. I was just hoping I’d be 3 cm or have some sort of sign that my body really was doing some productive things to get this baby here. My doctor checked me, and his eyes widened. He was speaking german to the midwife who was there and I was like “oh hey…wanna tell me why you are looking like a cartoon character with that ridiculous expression?” He made a big circle with his hands and said “6 centimeters. You are staying here.” I started laughing incredulously and repeated the phrase “are you serious?!” like 10 times.

I hopped right off that chair and started to put my pants back on like a frenzied maniac. I kept missing the leg hole…the midwife had to grab my arm and say “slowww down!” I took a deep breath and pulled up my pants like the real adult that I am. Ran out into the waiting room to jeff and said “I’m having a baby today!....Jane, baby sister is coming TODAY!”

“I wanna hold her.”

“I wanna hold her!”

Repeat phrase 10x by the big sister-to-be : )

It made me a little sad when jeff had to leave with her. She really wanted to stay and meet “baby sistuh”.

I kinda just waited around all nonchalantly. As if I wasn’t in labor and ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!! After about an hour, they got me into a room and started me on a very low dose of Pitocin. I had the most overwhelming flood of emotions. I was giddy that I was going to be holding my sweet baby. I was giddy that I was no longer going to be pregnant. I was giddy that Jane finally got to meet her sister. I was giddy that I was already 6/10ths of the way there. I was TERRIFIED at what was to come. I knew; and my spirit knew, that I was about to do something really really hard. But really really rewarding.

The trusty contractions started up, and soon after, I put on my enya playlist. I was under some delusion that it would keep me calm. It kinda did, But only for the first 40 minutes of painful, but bearable contractions. They hurt, but they didn’t make me want to scream and swear. I was chatting Jeff’s ear off trying to keep distracted. I also remember envisioning the waves of an ocean come in and out each time my uterus contracted, and it helped. The calm music, the envisioning, the breathing, all of that can only help you up to a certain point. And that point- where all logic, reason, and sanity is lost? They call it: transition.

Those bad boys started. The ones that every woman who has given birth naturally warns you about. Lucky for me, it didn't last too long. I had about 10 excruciatingly painful contractions. 2 of them I felt like I needed to push with every fiber of my being; and when my nurse said I wasn’t allowed to, I wanted to squeeze her head off.

Jeff was trying his darndest to make things better for me. But like I said before, I was past the point of no return.

“Do you want to hold my hand?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!”

“Do you want a pillow behind your back?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!!!”

“Do you want to lay on your side?” - Jeff

“I DON’T CARE!!!!!”

Etc. etc.

I mostly didn’t care about anything but the pain stopping.

After my water finally broke (at like 9.5 centimeters), I was screaming, loudly. And making some seriously crazy faces that apparently made jeff have to muffle laughter. (He tried to re-enact said faces afterwards and he had me giggling. I’m glad he didn’t laugh though because it would NOT have been ok at the time.) I also started shaking and sweating a lot. At one point, in the VERY SHORT time in between contractions, I remember putting my hands to my mouth and saying “Why are my teeth vibrating?” It was strange. 

FINALLY though, I was allowed to push. This was always the part that scared me the most about childbirth. I've heard it described as the ring of fire and I've never been anxious to willingly sign up for such a sensation. But honestly, the sting of the pushing was relieving the contractions and it almost hurt in a good way. I wasn't even crying or screaming because I knew my baby was RIGHT. THERE and it made it so much easier to deal with the pain. It was empowering. I pushed through three contractions. THREE. And boom, it was over. The pain was over, and was replaced with the most heavenly JOY and relief! I had a baby and I felt it all. I felt like I was an active participant of bringing her here, as opposed to my first birth where I felt more like an active observer. I was so darn proud of myself. I did something I had convinced myself that I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to do. I was elated that they gave my baby right to me and let me hold her for a good 20 minutes before they weighed her or anything. (6 pounds 2 ounces. 18.5 inches long. Perfect in every way.) She was really there, in my arms. I was not expecting her to come early, but it was the best surprise of my life! 

Lyla Kimberly Andersen. I held her and cried. She laid on my skin and calmed down. She was kinda squirmy and fussy after a few minutes though, but then jeff put his hand on her head and her body just relaxed. She loved her mommy. She loved her daddy. And holy cow did we love her! Love is such a pathetic, insufficient word when you are trying to describe the feelings you have for your brand new baby.

Back to reality for a quick second when the doctor said he needed to stitch me up. UGH. But I'm supposed to be done... Well, he checked me and declared that I would not need ANY stitches! I was BEYOND thrilled. All the prayers that were given on my behalf certainly were working their magic in that delivery room.

She nursed a bit, and slept on my chest for about 2 hours. We had some quality staring sessions too where I got to look into her fresh-from-heaven little eyes. I found myself fighting the familiar battle of sleep vs. staring at my sleeping baby. I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep, but I guess the desire to stare at her won out because I never did get any snoozing in. (...still haven't)

I didn't get very many pictures. With Jane, I had my sister take pictures throughout the whole process. This time, Jeff was the only one there besides the doctor and nurse; and he was busy having his hand being squeezed off by yours truly. And afterwards, both of my hands were too occupied to take very many pictures.

I’m writing this about 4 hours after she was born. I want it to be fresh. Plus, they took her away from me so I have no motherly duties at this moment. I hate that. I hope they bring her back soon. 

Next, I will write about the hospital stay. I was going to do it all in one post, but as I'm trying to sort out my thoughts, I'm realizing I have a whole lot to say. Aaaand Jane just went down for a nap, which means I have two hours to try to get Lyla sleep and take a nap myself. ahhh :) That just sounds a lot better than blogging right now. My apologies.

33 weeks

Here is the TRUE breakdown of pregnancy: 1st quarter: weeks 1-20; 2nd quarter 20-30 weeks; 3rd quarter 30-36 weeks; 4th quarter 37-40(+-) weeks.

Oh, it's so true. I've learned from experience that celebrating being "HALFWAY THROUGH ALREADY?!" is a bit futile. And 30 weeks? That sounds so far along! But guess what. You are already huge and you still have TEN weeks to go. I'm 33 weeks. Still in the 3rd quarter, and focusing more on our upcoming move to another continent rather than the arrival of our sweet little babe. Keeping my impatience with pregnancy at bay ;)

So fitting, that cute little head popping up over the counter. Little do you know she is actually whining at me saying "Stop it mommaaaa.....Knock it offfffff." How, may I ask, do you explain to an almost 2 year old that you are allowed to boss her around, but she is not allowed to boss you around. HA! what a joke.

This pregnancy has just been SO much better than the last. If you must know, I contribute it to mainly two things: getting foot zoned regularly (once a month), and eating healthier with very limited sugar. That ridiculous sugar addiction I used to have is now a thing of the past; I have learned some amazing things about my body's reaction to sugar this pregnancy that will continue to serve me for the rest of my life.

That being said, I have not been completely void of unfavorable symptoms. Most notably as of late would be my old friend, heart burn. I look forward so much to being able to chug as much water as I want, whenever I want. I've found that a glass of milk and a few almonds before bed help keep the raging monster a little less raging. Funny because I think the last time I enjoyed a plain glass of milk was when I was about 12 months old.

Anyways, a few more things to note. My baby is always rolling and my stomach is always lopsided in some way.

I've started making really long lists  of activities for Jane to do while I nurse and am not able to cater to her little high maintenance needs every second, like I do now :) That will be an adjustment, but I can't help but think that having two kids will actually be easier for me mentally. I can't explain it, but like, I really think it'll be the case for me. I'll let you know in a couple months if that prediction was  just a ridiculous joke.

I've been better at keeping active. As active as I can be with no gym access and being huge and pregnant. I go on walks a lot, and climb up stairs repeatedly. Often I feel like my baby is going to fall straight out of me as I'm walking, but I keep on going anyways, and so far so good.

Here is jane, with her trail mix, on our walk, pointing to a boat. (lots of commas) I'm going to do another plug for homemade trail mix.  (Today's special: almond granola, sunflower seeds, cashews, raisins, craisins, and the real star, chocolate chips!) It's like treasure hunting, in snack form. It will forever be my go-to snack to distract little ones for a long period of time.

Oh and to end this on an extremely happy note! 4 days before we are supposed to fly to Germany, our passports came! I cannot express in words the frustrations that have been woven into our lives for the past month regarding this move and whether or not it would happen, and whether or not we would actually be together. It's insane. Thanks to a lot of prayers, it all worked out and for that, we took a passport selfie where jane is holding up her passport and shouting "HOORAY!" A greatly warranted hooray.

26 Weeks

The difference between a first pregnancy and a second pregnancy? This time around, I have no earthly idea which fruit my baby is the size of.

The first time around, I excessively checked on babycenter what my baby was doing that week. This time, not so much. Im hoping by not doing this, the pregnancy will go by faster. I'm the most impatient pregnant woman there ever was.

I am just so anxious to snuggle my little babe and pat her little bum sticking out as she lays on my chest. Oh boy am I baby hungry! Every night after I put Jane down I think to myself "I cant wait until this time is solely baby snuggle time!" I feel so ready to have another baby. That's not to say I think it will be a walk in the park, i'm aware that it could be quite hard and overwhelming at times, but I am just so looking forward to having two sweet little girls. I've learned that although this whole parenting gig is laced with some exhaustingly difficult moments, the good moments totally win.

We have a name pretty much picked out. But I might change my mind, and if I do, my husband might just flip his lid. So probably we will just use the name we have picked out and my husband can keep his lid securely fastened.

So pregnancy. I've gained the same amount of weight at this point as I did with jane. But my baby this time is not measuring quite as small, which is nice! My stomach is also way bigger than last time.

Pregnant belly mirror selfies I guess are kind of my thing this pregnancy. I don't know if it really works for me, but I love being able to document the bump. Scoff if you'd like.

Buying: i've only bought a few things for this baby because, hand-me-downs. And because, I have a husband who has a rational and VERY conservative view on the amount of clothes an infant should have. Sometimes I totally agree with him and think seriously, they grow out of these clothes in like a month and 90% of the time stain them with poop anyways, whats the point? But then the next moment I'm standing right in front of a freaking cute romper and I'm like...oh hi, are you excited to be worn by my child in a few months?

Nesting: hahahahaha. LADIES! Have you ever tried being in nesting mode and NOT HAVING A NEST?! It's great fun. *sarcastic eye roll emoji* (if those even exist, which they should because they have random things like two girls in bunny suits dancing, so they should definitely have an eye roll emoji.)
I think about the only thing I can do at the moment is make adorable felt headbands. So naturally...

(these were the first few I made, they got better with practice....don't look too close.)


And now to go console my screaming child who is almost 2 YEARS OLD and sleeps worst than she did when she was 2 months old.

Half way there!

So Uhm, this pregnancy is going by a lot faster than my first. I'm halfway through and have hardly documented a darn thing. Im so bad at blogging lately. Im like, yuck yuck yuck don't wanna blog and then suddenly one day- boom- the stars align and I feel like I could easily pump out 3 posts in a day.

So yeah. This pregnancy has been crazy. Insurance has been a complete nightmare and I've had to cancel many doctor's appointments. It creates anxiety in me like nothing else! Hello?! Isn't awesome insurance just about the only perk of being in the army? (ok besides having a hot, hard working, army guy as a husband) Well that's just a perk that I have yet to experience, and am at a point where I don't believe if I ever will experience that little perk called insurance.

- Weight gain is pretty slow at this point, which is fine with me. I've eaten much healthier this pregnancy. Of course, my aunt and uncle I'm living with always have crackers and chips in their house. Something I never have in my house because, pig woman to the rescue! I have still been going strong with the no sugar. I think I've caved 3 times, but only when it involved a hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookie. That's the one thing that is always worth it to me.

- I've realized that no matter how long I go without sugar, I will always and forever crave homemade chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and sour gummy worms.
- On the flip side of health, I've been doing horrible at exercising. I could sit here and give you excuses or I could just say, whoops! sucks to suck.

- Nesting? I wish. Who the heck knows where we will even be living when I have this baby. Probably Germany. Maybe the army will change their mind. But if we are in Germany, we still won't have any of our stuff when the baby is born because it takes like 3 years for them to ship us our stuff, by BOAT. (3 yrs = 60 days)

- My little babe loves to be curled up as LOW as humanly possible. So even though my belly doesn't really fill them out yet, I have had to start wearing maternity jeans. Also, on that same note, my bladder has been suffering from the 'how low can you go?' situation. I've had to make up games for jane to do while "mommy goes potty" yet again. If she could speak in full sentences, she would always be asking "mom, didn't you do this like 10 minutes ago?" and I would always reply with a "yes dear, I sure did." #bladdersaretrampolines #apparently

- Jane loves my "baby" that she points out everytime she catches a glimpse of my tummy. She kisses my tummy and says "ohhh! baby sister!" (baby sis-duhhh) It is stinking adorable.

- This little baby also loves music! Every time I'm playing piano or listening to music she starts having a little dance party.

- I've SO enjoyed this pregnancy. Despite the frustrations with insurance, I'd say it's just been wonderful. Yes I had sickness, but only the first trimester- and it was manageable. And the second trimester has been a dream! I'm already quite fond of this little nugget. I have no problem imagining loving her as much as I love Jane. Which is a dang LOT.

Gender Reveal!

Baby number 2! Is it a boy or a girl? I never even had time to do one of those surveys where people guess because the fact that i found out when I did was a complete surprise. A very welcomed surprise though. And this time around, I didn't have enough friends around me to justify having another gender reveal party.

So real quick, make a little guess in your head before scrolling down. (ha!) Here is a picture, maybe that'll help you to make a more informed decision.

I really have enjoyed having this little human inside of me. This baby has been a lot more kinder to me than, ehem, little miss jane. I think one of the first things I said to her when she was born was: "do you have any idea how many times you made me throw up?!" Ha :) I've obviously forgiven her. But this newest baby has gifted me with the second trimester that people always say you are going to have. "energy! no sickness! wonderment and joy!" prophecy finally fulfilled. Thank you little one. Ok, lets get on with it. Im totally dragging this on.

I get into the doctors office and after an hour and a half wait I FINALLY get to see my baby on that little screen. And then, as if it wasn't a life altering statement, the doctor casually blurts out "we can probably find out the gender today if you want!" Uhm, I definitely wanted! So what's it gonna be? What is the next addition to our little game of life? ( laying on the cheese real thick there!)

I gave this pinked out box to my mom and sister to tell them the news. :) 

Oh poor jeffrey. He is so incredibly outnumbered now ;) And despite his quite vocalized desire to have a son, I think he will learn to love it. (learn being the operative word, because as of right now I wouldn't put excited at the top of his adjective list.)

As for me, what mother doesn't want two little girls right next to each other? Dripping with happiness over here. :)

If any of you have any name ideas, I always love to hear them! We have a few we love, but are open to suggestions. And any well wishes or advice on raising two girls will also be appreciated :) 

July 22 :)

I cant wait for July 22. I have another little baby growing inside of me right this very moment, and on that day I get to meet that sweet little nugget. Often times the thought of that makes me beam with joy. Because this time, I know the outcome, and it's the most heavenly thing. I'm already daydreaming about the first night I have with this baby, we will cuddle all night long and heck no those nurses will not take my baby away for the night- I can't let those precious hours pass by without soaking up every single moment. Because (if you ask me) for the first day of life, they are still half way in heaven, halfway on earth; which means there is very little reason for them to cry. So mostly they just cuddle and let you stare at their eyes in complete awe. It's overwhelming because they are a blank slate and it's your job to fill it up, but at the same time you have an inkling that this fresh-from-heaven spirit knows a lot more than you do about some things.

Anyways, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. And also going a little overboard on the mushiness. I guess you could say I'm excited? But, if you were wondering, no I do not have a preference of gender.
- a girl would be perfect because jane would have a forever friend and I can dress them in matching outfits until they start to get embarrassed by it.
- a boy would be perfect because I don't have one of those yet and jeff would have a son and all his wildest dreams would come true. But I'll admit, I'm a bit frightened about changing a diaper and getting sprayed in the face with pee without any warning.

Oh and I also don't have any idea as to what gender it is either, let's face it, that motherly instinct that they speak of? I have none of it because I would've bet my right arm that jane was a boy...

I do need to take a moment to toot my own horn because for the past 3ish weeks I haven't eaten ANY sugar. Some of my family started the no sugar for a year challenge and I thought it'd be a good idea since with jane, I basically lived off of sour patch kids. Also I failed my first glucose test with her. #sugarmonster. So no sugar for this baby...but cheese? Oh so much cheese. I think the amount of cheese I have eaten this pregnancy has counteracted the benefits of eating no sugar. You win some, you lose some.

Also, since I don't know what this baby looks like yet, I'll just reminisce about jane when she was a baby, and continue on daydreaming :)

A Fairly Predictable Announcement :)

I always say I want to wait to tell people but then I'm sitting there feeling nauseous with my best friends and I'm like....I really want them to know why I'm being so lame right now. And I think to myself....wait, why did I even want to wait in the first place? What's the point? This coming from someone who had a miscarriage 5 months ago. But it turned out I was really glad that people knew. All the support and sympathy really helped me through that time. So, now that I'm past the point where I had a miscarriage last time, it's time to once again announce that I am pregnant. And overjoyed about it. :) :)

I'm not worried about miscarrying again because the nausea is still going strong! I've never been so grateful for sickness! I'm only 10 weeks along, but somehow, this little "secret" has slipped out enough times that an announcement to the general masses is overdue.

This pregnancy announcement may indeed get lost in the giant jumble of pregnancy announcements that are happening right now, but to me it's the most wonderful miracle. This also explains the recent blog hiatus. When I'm not taking care of jane, it is nigh impossible to do anything but lay in bed. Even watching a show or reading a computer screen can somehow manage to exhaust me at times. The same blog hiatus happened when I was pregnant with jane so it's just kind of my thing now I suppose ;)

Anyways, I am so excited to be a mother again. The sickness I had throughout my pregnancy with jane is so completely negligent compared to the joy she has brought me every single day of her life. And I am overly confident that it will be the same the second time around. I couldn't be more thrilled.  I will elaborate more on my feelings and all that jazz; in true hormonal, womanly fashion. But for now, I've expended all my energy for the day so I must happily and gratefully bid you adieu :)

And ya, most UNcute, uncreative announcement known to man. But I'm still having a baby, and it's still awesome. Merry Christmas to me!

hey guess what, my life is NOT over.

1. "WHAT? ARE YOU SURE?!?!"

2. "no...my sister did that and wished she hadn't"

3. "what about getting an education?"

4. "no, no...you should travel the world first!"

5. "that is detrimental to a marriage! you need time to have fun and get to know each other"

6. "you can never go back, so take your time!"

these are just a few of the remarks i've received from people in the past year after they found out that jeff and i...we wanted children. and we didn't really want to wait.

i realize it's different for everyone and each couple should decide for themselves when the right time is. the point of this post is to explain why we chose what we chose...and to also explain that having children early is really not the death sentence some people make it out to be.

flashback to when we were newly engaged.

 this is a very special story to me and i want to always remember it. 

 i told jeff i wanted to wait a bit before having kids and i needed to talk to him about birth control...he brushed it off and said we would talk about it later. well, that day, something strange happened. i had a conversation with a pregnant friend of mine. and afterwards it hit me: Im going to get pregnant soon after i get married. that thought made me happy, not overwhelmed. peaceful, not stressed out. and it just felt right. like a warm chocolate chip cookie with a glass of cold milk at the end of a long day. mmm :)

4 hours later, we sat down to talk and jeff said:

"kerri...ive been thinking about the whole birth control thing. and i think..." (dramatic pause)

this really was a dramatic pause because while it was happening this was what was going on in my head: 

"we need to have a baby, we need to have a baby!"

end of dramatic pause. then he said, matter-of-factly:

"we should have a baby."

we both knew what he meant by that. because we both felt it. not only should we have a baby, but we should do it as soon as we could. this was what the Lord wanted us to do. the thought of that daunted me only days before, yet suddenly it was the most perfect solution i could ever think up. i remember the spirit i felt after he said those words. it was as if the child we just decided to have was smiling down on us, waiting eagerly to join our family. i felt completely prepared to take a giant leap of faith.

fast forward 5 months (only one month after our wedding), i peed on a stick and revealed to me was the  happiest news i'd ever received. i was pregnant! :)

of course there were many who were excited and supportive, but the overwhelming majority of people had reactions and comments similar to the ones at the beginning of this post. so what i'd like to do now is address each of those comments/questions that were spouted off at me at different times. ya know, now that i have a baby i feel entitled to do so.

1. "WHAT? ARE YOU SURE?!?!"

yes. I'm sure. and you asking me that question incredulously with a bewildered look on your face will not change my mind, thanks.

2. "no...my sister did that and wished she hadn't"

well I'm not your older sister. and that is sad. but i do not plan on regretting my children.

seriously...i highly doubt i will ever regret this.

uhm....impossible.

3. "what about getting an education?"

I'm still planning on graduating from college...yes i know it will be hard, but in the grand scheme of things- bringing my child into this world when she is supposed to come is worth a year of sacrifice to me. and i know it will be a wonderful opportunity for me to grow spiritually and mentally. yes, my daughter will come first and i will most likely not get straight A's (i've never even done that anyways), but i will finish school because that is important to me, and i can have something to fall back on if i ever need to provide for my family. however, i feel that the most vital role i will ever play is a mother, not a student. i believe that motherhood "...is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for" - via (this talk perfectly describes how i feel about having children)

4. "no, no...you should travel the world first!"

who says you can't travel the world with your children? there are valuable life lessons that one can only learn from going different places, seeing different things and different cultures. i want to watch my child's face light up when they are able to see these new things, i want to watch as their ungrateful attitude changes once they see how fortunate they are compared to others in this world. i want to help instill in them an acceptance and love of all people. that can't happen as effectively by just showing them pictures of places her dad and i went before they even existed. 

..that's how i look at it. yes it would be awesome to travel with just my husband, but in my opinion it will be just as awesome, or more so, to do it with our children.

5. "that is detrimental to a marriage! you need time to have fun and get to know each other"

ok. the first 5 months of our marriage were not always fun. they were hard. because i was a sick pregnant zombie wife. I'm sure my husband second guessed his decision to marry me. i was SO lame. that was a hard trial for us, but we got through it and are stronger because of it. and the latter half of my pregnancy we had so much fun! happier and stronger and more in love than ever :) oh, and pretty sure we definitely got to know each other. the good, the bad, and the ugly.. 9 months really is a long time!

(...yucky iPhone quality)

and guess what....just because we have a baby, does not mean the fun abruptly stops. we have had so much fun since jane has been born. we have taken her to parties and shown her off to our gushing friends. we go to game nights and carry on playing and laughing just as we always have- only this time with a precious bundle of perfection curled up on my chest. we take her on walks and are entertained by her little sighs, grunts, and yawns. (and jeff says things he has never said before on a walk, such as: "I'm so happy, i think I'm going to cry") i bring her to jeff's frisbee games and introduce her as the newest and littlest cheerleader. he calls all his friends over and proudly proclaims with a grin spreading across his face: "this is my baby!" life is more fun than it ever has been. and all she can do is sleep, eat, and poop. oh, and be freaking adorable. i can only imagine how much more fun it will be once she starts becoming a real person and developing a little personality. 

6. "you can never go back, so take your time!"

ever since jane has been here, the love jeff and i have for each other has exploded. it is unreal how much our love and appreciation for each other has grown. we look at each other in a different light now. not only is jeff the love of my life, but the father of our sweet daughter. and don't even get me started on the love that we have for the little person we created together. i truly believe that having a baby together can solidify and strengthen a marriage like absolutely nothing else can. it brings you more joy than you thought possible. yeah, you can never go back. but guess what? we don't want to. raising our daughter together so far has been exhilarating and easily the best experience of our lives. 

we are so happy that we didn't delay this incomprehensible joy.(have i used the word joy enough yet??)

so. there you have it. 

i have a baby.

as it turns out, she is the opposite of an insta-fun-sucker

and believe it or not, my life is NOT over.

it is just beginning :)

Jane: A Birth Story

here is the documentation of, hands down, the BEST, most joyous day of my life. and when i write about the best day of my life, it isn't going to be short.

i jumped up off the couch and within 2 seconds my blaring alarm was energetically turned off. After a night full of anything but sleep, the moment of anticipation had finally come. it was 5:30 am. I was supposed to be at the hospital at 6am. after shuffling around pretending to be gathering stuff that in reality had been gathered for weeks, we were out the door.

i didn't eat anything before i left because I wasn't sure if i was allowed to. rookie mistake number one. i got to the hospital and they denied me food but said that i would've been fine had i eaten right before i came in. awesome. okay, actually not awesome. but the awesomeness that ensues later on in the story makes up for it, let's be grateful for that. the flavored ice chips were great, but they weren't bacon egg and cheese biscuit great. moving on. they started me on pitocin at 7:30 am. go ahead and ask me what we did from 6 to 7:30. i could not tell you. i think i mostly watched jeff eat his bacon egg and cheese biscuit and lamented over the fact that i was not doing the same thing. they told me to expect a long labor since it was my first and since i was being induced. the average was 18 hours. truly, i was expecting a 24 hour labor or longer.

they stuck the IV in my hand. i cried. jeffrey snickered under his breath and texted my mom "5 minutes in and she is already crying...it's going to be a long day." but seriously it hurt. she missed my vein. and then it just really stung for a long time. and i couldn't move about the cabin the way i wanted to, if you know what i mean. ball and chain. they checked my cervix and i was dilated 2 cm, 80% effaced. minutes later, the contractions started. and they kept going and going. they were 8 minutes apart for probably an hour, then 5 minutes apart for about 3 hours. they hurt- but not agonizingly so. they just felt like bad period cramps. for the first 4 hours i was pretty happy to be 'in labor' but not writhing in pain. this is me smiling in between contractions.

so, it had been 4 hours at this point. my doctor came in and checked me. i was at a 4. i was pleased with the progress. and then? he broke my water. it was a weird feeling. like i was just laying there peeing myself uncontrollably. so that was fun for about 4 seconds until the contractions went from bearable to "so this is the infamous labor pain!" they started to HURT. and kept getting worse. soon they were 2 minutes apart. i had to squeeze jeff's hand and kick my feet into thin air and unsuccessfully think happy thoughts. definitely the worst pain i've ever felt. at this point, the word epidural started to swim around in my mind. i wanted to be tough. but the thought that the pain would actually get worse was unimaginable. shout out to all those women who have chosen to go natural- i seriously am in shock that you were able to do that. make yourself a medal. so after an hour of painful contractions, i requested an epidural. best decision ever. oh man i just wanted to invite the anesthesiologist into my home, make him a turkey dinner and then kiss him. i didn't even feel the needle, but sure enough, my legs started getting warm and tingly. my gritted teeth quickly transformed to a delirious smile. i was in heaven.
i was even happier when they checked me after they gave me an epidural and i was at 5 cm. yippee! HALF WAY THERE!

guess what i did after that? i texted everyone in my recent contacts that an epidural was the best thing on this planet, as if they were wondering. and then i enthusiastically rejoiced to my family about how awesome it was to not be in pain. i felt like i was on cloud nine. and then with a smile on my face, i took a nap! i was in full blown labor and i took a nap! see what i mean about the best thing on this planet?

i woke up an hour later (it was about 3:30 pm at this point, a little over 7 hours total in labor) when my nurse came in to check me. she was awesome by the way. i told her i was so glad she wasn't a grumpy, impersonable lady. that was one of my biggest labor fears. so she checked me and nonchalantly said "you are at a 9".....WHAT?! i dilated 4 whole cm by taking a nap. this was too good to be true! i was seriously in shock! she went to call my doctor so he could start making his way over. i was having a baby. for real. and it was happening SOON.

my doctor came in 30 minutes later to check me. yeah, my baby's head was making her way downtown. his eyes widened and he started scurrying around getting everything set up and hoping my baby wouldn't just fall right out. at 4:10, i started pushing. on one side, the epidural was not quite as strong so i knew when i was having a contraction. i just felt a lot of pressure, and i knew when i felt that it was time to push. so i felt a contraction and i pushed. i pushed with more energy and passion than i knew i was capable of producing. i grit my teeth and closed my eyes. it was the most empowering feeling ever. she started to crown on the second push and there was immediately this spirit in the room that is indescribable. i pushed through two more contractions, and she was out! 7 minutes of pushing? not too shabby!

then i saw her. i saw my child. my daughter. the one that had been inside of me for the past 9 months that i never thought id actually meet because it seemed too surreal. she was purple and slimy, but i've never seen something so beautiful in my life. i'd never felt such an overwhelming feeling or even known such a feeling existed in the magnitude that i was feeling it. i started bawling. there was nothing i could do but cry and shake and reach out for my sweet little baby. they put her right on my chest. all was right in the world. all was more than alright. beauty and joy in its purest form. 'this is what life is all about' is what i thought to myself the second they laid her on me. but really, this is what life is all about. "happiness is the object and design of our existence"and if this isn't happiness at it's finest- then nothing is!
after an emotional observance of my new baby, i told my sister to put food in my mouth ASAP. it was necessary.

our little baby weighed in at a whopping 5 pounds 13 oz. 18 1/2 inches long. tiny little girl.

she kicked me constantly. she made me puke hundreds of times. she caused constant fire in my throat. she turned me into a sick, tired, zombie for 7 of the 9 months. she took a toll on my body- physically and emotionally, that's for sure. but oh, she was worth it. ten times over.  she is my little miracle. my angel. and in one sudden moment, my whole world.

oh we love her!

i seriously canNOT believe she is actually here! it felt like i was pregnant for years. and therefore it felt like the day would never actually come. but here i am, sitting in my humble apartment with my sweet little baby sleeping on my chest. sticking her bum out and puckering her lips. i can't tell you how many hours i spent daydreaming of this very moment. and it's sort of ironic how we just spent a fortune on hospital and medical bills, yet it seems like i won the lottery. like, the power ball and then some. the gratitude in my heart seems to be spilling out into a big puddle of love juice everywhere i go. i look at my baby and half the time i have to hold back tears. i don't know what i did to deserve this- but i am one happy and grateful girl! 

jeff is such a wonderful dad. my heart literally almost bursts each time i see him with her. fireworks in my chest! he is so smitten. he was changed in an instant and the love he has for this little girl was startling to him. i am so happy knowing that he will be the father of my sweet daughter. it is such an amazing thing to become parents together. our love for each other has grown exponentially. seriously?! who even knew there was this much room in a heart for love??? are you kidding me?! it's really good you guys i totally recommend it. the whole, getting married and having a baby asap thing,,,,

we are a little bit obsessed :) i'll show you a few pictures and you will be too. 

oh, little baby jane. you are loved. excessively so.

and i can't post this without a shout out to my wonderful mother. she has taken care of me so well. i don't know how i would have done this/would be doing this without her. the only reason I'm able to write this out right now is because she is just busy being a saint and doing everything for me. i also appreciate her now more than ever. caring for a child as a mother and having a mother to care for you are 2 of earth's greatest blessings. thanks mom!

happy birthday- a mother's perspective

5 lbs. 13 oz. 18 1/2 inches long

healthy and perfect.

welcome to the world Jane Melissa Andersen.

you are so loved.

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this is a guest post from my mother....a sneak peak into my labor from her perspective.

A Mother’s Perspective

It’s interesting to watch the circle of life roll round and round.  This is really only my first round, though. Up until this moment, I’ve just been completing my one small circle.  Time for round two.  I’m sitting here in Kerri’s hospital room, watching my baby suffer the pains of childbirth.  It brings back those miserable and desperate feelings that I experienced when I was bringing her into this world.  I look at her now, and it’s hard to watch. I realize that God was kind when he decided to give us grandchildren...all the joy, but this time without the pain. I remember the pain, make no mistake. But more than the pain....I remember the exquisite joy of meeting Kerri for the first time.  She was perfect, beautiful, and yes, a bit traumatized when I first met her.  And here she is again.  Perfect, beautiful, and more than a bit traumatized.  But oh, so beautiful, even with agony etched in her face. 

Kerri:  “Oh my gosh, I am SO getting an epidural right now!  Jeff, don’t judge me just because I’m a wuss.”

Jeff: “I’m not judging you, Honey.  I looked at you, you looked at me, and I smiled. Would it make you feel better if I got an ACL repair with no anesthesia?”

Kerri:  “Owwww this one HURTS!”

Rachel (little sister), watching the contraction monitor: “Ooooh, this is a BIG one.”

Kerri: “SHUT UP!!”

And so it continues.  It’s hard to watch, but I know what awaits.  It gives me an idea of how Heavenly Father sees us suffer and hurt, but doesn’t make it stop.  He can see the end result.  Kerri knows how much she wants a baby.  She knows how much she loves children.  She knew this would be tough.  But she didn’t know HOW tough.  She also has NO IDEA of the joy she will feel when her daughter is placed on her chest for the first time.  She thinks she knows, but she doesn’t. Nobody can experience that kind of joy until they experience it first-hand. Which is why we are here to start with.  To experience it all... first-hand. I sure hope that’s how things end up for us all...that the joy of eternal life is WAY better than anything we can imagine. Actually, I don’t hope it will be better, I KNOW it will be better.  It had BETTER be better  :)

Although... as I meet my baby’s baby, it’s very difficult to imagine how anything could be better. 

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birth story and lots more pictures to come! follow me on instagram for updates as well if you so desire