Monday, June 17, 2013

hey guess what, my life is NOT over.

2. " sister did that and wished she hadn't"
3. "what about getting an education?"
4. "no, should travel the world first!"
5. "that is detrimental to a marriage! you need time to have fun and get to know each other"
6. "you can never go back, so take your time!"

these are just a few of the remarks i've received from people in the past year after they found out that jeff and i...we wanted children. and we didn't really want to wait.
i realize it's different for everyone and each couple should decide for themselves when the right time is. the point of this post is to explain why we chose what we chose...and to also explain that having children early is really not the death sentence some people make it out to be.

flashback to when we were newly engaged.
 this is a very special story to me and i want to always remember it. 
 i told jeff i wanted to wait a bit before having kids and i needed to talk to him about birth control...he brushed it off and said we would talk about it later. well, that day, something strange happened. i had a conversation with a pregnant friend of mine. and afterwards it hit me: Im going to get pregnant soon after i get married. that thought made me happy, not overwhelmed. peaceful, not stressed out. and it just felt right. like a warm chocolate chip cookie with a glass of cold milk at the end of a long day. mmm :)

4 hours later, we sat down to talk and jeff said:
"kerri...ive been thinking about the whole birth control thing. and i think..." (dramatic pause)
this really was a dramatic pause because while it was happening this was what was going on in my head: 
"we need to have a baby, we need to have a baby!"
end of dramatic pause. then he said, matter-of-factly:
"we should have a baby."
we both knew what he meant by that. because we both felt it. not only should we have a baby, but we should do it as soon as we could. this was what the Lord wanted us to do. the thought of that daunted me only days before, yet suddenly it was the most perfect solution i could ever think up. i remember the spirit i felt after he said those words. it was as if the child we just decided to have was smiling down on us, waiting eagerly to join our family. i felt completely prepared to take a giant leap of faith.

fast forward 5 months (only one month after our wedding), i peed on a stick and revealed to me was the  happiest news i'd ever received. i was pregnant! :)

of course there were many who were excited and supportive, but the overwhelming majority of people had reactions and comments similar to the ones at the beginning of this post. so what i'd like to do now is address each of those comments/questions that were spouted off at me at different times. ya know, now that i have a baby i feel entitled to do so.

yes. I'm sure. and you asking me that question incredulously with a bewildered look on your face will not change my mind, thanks.

2. " sister did that and wished she hadn't"
well I'm not your older sister. and that is sad. but i do not plan on regretting my children.
seriously...i highly doubt i will ever regret this.

3. "what about getting an education?"
I'm still planning on graduating from college...yes i know it will be hard, but in the grand scheme of things- bringing my child into this world when she is supposed to come is worth a year of sacrifice to me. and i know it will be a wonderful opportunity for me to grow spiritually and mentally. yes, my daughter will come first and i will most likely not get straight A's (i've never even done that anyways), but i will finish school because that is important to me, and i can have something to fall back on if i ever need to provide for my family. however, i feel that the most vital role i will ever play is a mother, not a student. i believe that motherhood " not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for" - via (this talk perfectly describes how i feel about having children)

4. "no, should travel the world first!"
who says you can't travel the world with your children? there are valuable life lessons that one can only learn from going different places, seeing different things and different cultures. i want to watch my child's face light up when they are able to see these new things, i want to watch as their ungrateful attitude changes once they see how fortunate they are compared to others in this world. i want to help instill in them an acceptance and love of all people. that can't happen as effectively by just showing them pictures of places her dad and i went before they even existed. 
..that's how i look at it. yes it would be awesome to travel with just my husband, but in my opinion it will be just as awesome, or more so, to do it with our children.

5. "that is detrimental to a marriage! you need time to have fun and get to know each other"
ok. the first 5 months of our marriage were not always fun. they were hard. because i was a sick pregnant zombie wife. I'm sure my husband second guessed his decision to marry me. i was SO lame. that was a hard trial for us, but we got through it and are stronger because of it. and the latter half of my pregnancy we had so much fun! happier and stronger and more in love than ever :) oh, and pretty sure we definitely got to know each other. the good, the bad, and the ugly.. 9 months really is a long time!
(...yucky iPhone quality)

and guess what....just because we have a baby, does not mean the fun abruptly stops. we have had so much fun since jane has been born. we have taken her to parties and shown her off to our gushing friends. we go to game nights and carry on playing and laughing just as we always have- only this time with a precious bundle of perfection curled up on my chest. we take her on walks and are entertained by her little sighs, grunts, and yawns. (and jeff says things he has never said before on a walk, such as: "I'm so happy, i think I'm going to cry") i bring her to jeff's frisbee games and introduce her as the newest and littlest cheerleader. he calls all his friends over and proudly proclaims with a grin spreading across his face: "this is my baby!" life is more fun than it ever has been. and all she can do is sleep, eat, and poop. oh, and be freaking adorable. i can only imagine how much more fun it will be once she starts becoming a real person and developing a little personality. 

6. "you can never go back, so take your time!"
ever since jane has been here, the love jeff and i have for each other has exploded. it is unreal how much our love and appreciation for each other has grown. we look at each other in a different light now. not only is jeff the love of my life, but the father of our sweet daughter. and don't even get me started on the love that we have for the little person we created together. i truly believe that having a baby together can solidify and strengthen a marriage like absolutely nothing else can. it brings you more joy than you thought possible. yeah, you can never go back. but guess what? we don't want to. raising our daughter together so far has been exhilarating and easily the best experience of our lives. 
we are so happy that we didn't delay this incomprehensible joy.(have i used the word joy enough yet??)

so. there you have it. 
i have a baby.
as it turns out, she is the opposite of an insta-fun-sucker
and believe it or not, my life is NOT over.
it is just beginning :)


  1. You're amazing. :) Thanks for this WONDERFUL post. :)

  2. Love how well you express your thoughts. This was a great post to read.

    My Wholesome Home

  3. I love this and couldn't agree more! We were pregnant three months into our marriage, so those comments all sound familiar. Good for you guys! Parenthood is awesome and it only gets better!

  4. As someone who doesn't have kids, this post is comforting. People make it sound so scary!!

  5. that's too sweet to be true :')

  6. This echoes our feelings so well. We heard a lot of those same things. But I did get a degree, and we are still traveling the world, having babies as we go. And it is hard, but oh I would never choose differently. Having families is pretty much the most important thing (sort of the whole point) of life on earth. I'm so glad you guys "get it" and are in tune with the spirit. I just love you Kerri!



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