through the cracks

think about how this picture would be 

if there were no holes in the wall.

there would be no light

no happiness

nothing special at all, just a dark black wall.

the light illuminating through makes it so much more beautiful,

and worth looking at.

k so backtrack a bit...
 i have always been a hopeless romantic.
sometimes i feel embarrassed to admit that
because some people assume that to be synonymous with desperate
well in a way i was desperate-
for someone to love me and adore me
but i was not desperate in the sense that
i would settle for just anyone to fulfill my hopes and dreams.
i had pretty high expectations...

i often wondered if anyone would love me
i feel like it was easy for me to love people
in a really deep way, actually.
i was often heartbroken when i would realize
that it will probably be hard for someone to love me
in the way that i would undoubtedly love them.
there were boys before who broke my heart.
the feeling of rejection does not rest well with me.
even if i get rejected by someone i knew wasnt right for me-
it still hurt for some reason. made a little crack.
so, what i am saying is-
my heart breaks easily.


...back then, at least.

i would always turn to the Lord, scriptures
and uplifting books for comfort.
i remember a book i read by sherie dew had a quote that said:

""it is through the cracks of a broken heart that the Lord sheds his most beautiful and illuminating light."

i remember reading that and thinking to myself:

"i sure freakin' hope so!"

well, it has proven to be true with every aspect of my life

not just my love life :)

the cracks that were made in my heart from things 

that happened in the past

are now allowing light and joy to illuminate through

and brighten my entire countenance and outlook

-to have found the man of my dreams

who really does love me like i love him- maybe even better actually

that really is the most beautiful and illuminating light,

and it wouldn't be nearly as bright and full if there weren't cracks

for the light to shine through.

if only i could always remember when a crack is surfacing
that there is a resplendent shining light to follow