Saturday, November 17, 2012

this is a long one.

i think everyday about how blessed i am for everything going the way it is.
i have always had a MAJOR soft spot for women who can't have babies.
i mean they can still have wonderful lives and wonderful children
but i just really want to hug them all.
i really do recognize the miracle of being pregnant.
i don't ever want to take it for granted, 
because i know there are some women who would do anything
to be in my shoes.
and then there are some who would do anything NOT to be pregnant.
its so sad how the world works sometimes. 
i never know quite how to address this issue because i've never been in their shoes.
but i read something on my new favorite blog about her struggle with infertility.
laura bush wrote something that she could identify with.:

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

im not going to try to come up with some consolidating words for these couples.
because i assume their scars are too deep to just slap a band aid over them.
I just want to say I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I'm sorry more people don't understand what it is like,
 or the exquisite pain it can create.
I'm sorry if it seems like other people who are easily able to get pregnant
take it for granted.
I'm sorry that it just isn't fair.


i am not quite 12 weeks (more like 11 1/2), but for the sake of whole numbers,
im gonna say I'm 


and here are some fun pregnancy updates. 

Weight Gain:
-2 lbs. ya, bad.
 i think it might be related to the fact that i can barely hold anything down.

-tired, seriously no energy. i feel like a bum all the time.
- nausea/throwing up. i feel like i throw up more than i pee. which is saying something.
tmi? sorry, not sorry.
-occassional headaches but this area has improved from a couple weeks ago
- dizziness, lower back pain
- my tummy is enlarging, but nobody could ever know i was pregnant. basically i just look like I've been eating 12 extra donuts a day.

What Baby is up to:
growing fingers, toes, and ears, oh my!

Gender Predictions:
i really really think its a boy.

Food aversions:
uhm, most things with sauce or strong smells.

Food cravings:
still candy. and nachos. and the other night i woke up because i was having such an intense craving for pizza hut personal pan pepperoni pizza. oh yes. I'm very specific with my cravings.

Daddy is feeling:
excited. he still rubs my belly and asks 'hows my son?' every time he sees me :)
{ok so we both think its a boy.} 

Fun moments this week:
hearing the baby's heartbeat! PURE  joy joy joy joy joy!

- feeling my stomach get a lot firmer. 

Excited for:

- ultrasound

- getting a noticeable baby bump! 

 so i love being pregnant, officially.
i love everything about it.
yes, even the yucky stuff.
i was thinking about how beautiful pregnancy is.
how it is the perfect preparation for having a baby.
you are sick, you are tired, your life is different.
you are learning the beauty of sacrifice.
you are learning how to literally give your life completely to another human being.
you are learning what it really means to be selfless.
you are learning that this sacrifice allows love to exponentially and infinitely grow. 
you are learning how to sacrifice for your child.
and then you are learning to love sacrificing for you child.
because you are learning that is what motherhood is all about.

and once your baby is out, then you REALLY understand what sacrifice is.
pregnancy is just a cute little preparation for it ;)

hope you enjoyed this big fat pregnancy post, no pun intended.
actually yes, the pun WAS intended.

PS thanks for everyone's comments on my baby names post, tons of good ideas! :)


  1. You are so cute. I cannot wait to see the little guy :] let me know if you guys need anything!

  2. I totally think your baby is a boy too!

  3. I'm so glad you're a happy little pregnant girl, and that you can see beyond the toilet bowl. :) I love the Laura Bush quote. It's spot on.

  4. Aw... so happy for you!! Congrats! =)

  5. I am seriously so happy for you. Your predictions are so cute. It's amazing the bond you have that you have already started developing. That little quote you shared from erin loves earl is seriously amazing. I found myself nodding in agreement to each and every word. It's so incredibly true. I have a disorder that is going to make it REALLY hard to have kids. Infertility blogs like these are amazing to have to prepare myself with. THANK YOU so much for sharing. HEr babies are beautiful and yours will be too! Have a fabulous Sunday.

    1. thanks amanda! yeah being pregnant really is amazing. I'm so sorry this is something you might have trouble with, I'm sure it is helpful to be able to read other blogs about women with infertility. mine isn't one of them because I'm lucky enough to not have that problem, but that doesn't mean i don't deeply sympathize. thanks so much for this comment, so kind! :)

  6. Congrats on the little one!! I didn't dislike being pregnant either. :)

    I'm visiting you from the No Rules Weekend hop.

  7. I just found your beautiful blog through the Blog Hop, and girl you are amazing! I love your heart and I think the way you began this post was just so eloquent and beautiful. I love that quote. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Now following you via GFC & excited to come back - congrats on the little one to come! :)


  8. Wow! The first post of your blog today has hit me quite hard. I have never been the position to not be able to have a child (and would like to hope I am not when that moment arrives). However, I have had my brother pass away within the last two weeks. They way the quote talks about loss is so true. How people treat you is so very differently but I have something to have lost. Like yourself, I don't know how I would be able to deal with a loss which was never there to lose?

    Also, congrats on the pregnancy and the update is very sweet :-) Hope the morning sickness eases sooner rather than later!
    Stopped by from the mingle!

    1. i just stopped by your blog and I'm so sorry about your brother. I've never really experienced loss so i feel inferior when it comes to talking to people who have just experienced it, but that doesn't mean i don't have complete empathy. thanks for stopping by and for the kind comment. i really like your blog :)

  9. Congrats on your pregnancy!!Stopping by from the Monday Mingle.

  10. Stopping by from Monday Mingle...congratulations on your pregnancy! My baby just turned one!! I hope you enjoy the whole experience(except for the sicky part...sorry that you are getting sick). It is such a wonderful blessing.

  11. I love this post. I finally made it over from Real Talk Tuesday ( I suck, I'm sorry) and this is what I found. I adore it. Hubs and I are getting ready to try, but there's a real chance it won't happen and the fear of that absence is on my mind every day. Thank you for writing this.

  12. Love it! I commented a little back when you announced your discovery how it can sometimes be a sensitive subject on how you would feel if you weren't pregnant. That was a sweet reply you left on my comment. Anyway, luckily I have a cute baby boy, but my best friend struggled with infertility for 5 years so it's a sensitive subject. I'm happy and proud that you addressed the subject. I wish all pregnant woman though like you, I know lots don't consider what would happened if they struggled to get pregnant or they don't consider when they post pregnancy post time after time (after time after time!) how it can be annoying to people who are trying. Congrats girl! May you be an example (which you already are) to pregnant women, that they may truly realized how blessed they are!

  13. So weird I was just talking about this kind of thing at my own blog because I have a "friend" who tends to do things she shouldn't while pregnant. It's so sad how there are women struggling, desperate to do anything to be a mom, and then there are people whom it just falls upon and they take it for granted and waste such a blessing.

    New follower from the Followers to Friends link up!

  14. What a sweet pregnancy update :)

    Thanks for sharing for WW!

  15. Found you through the blog hop. I'm about 22 weeks and I love reading about other people's pregnancy journeys. I hope things continue to go smoothly!

  16. What a fantastic blog you have! I am your newest follower from the blog hop! Would love for you to come follow back! xx

  17. You know it is so sweet of you to reach out in your time of joy to those who may be hurting. Every life is a blessing and you and the life you're growing are that to this world. really, truly.

    Aloha Sweet Friend,

    The ladies and I are starting to gather a bit early this week so that we can take our turkey loving time mingling and growing together over the next few days.

    Thank you for linking up with us last week, thank you for sharing your sweet energy with all of us... thank you for being beautiful you.

    Come join us if you please.



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