this is a long one.

i think everyday about how blessed i am for everything going the way it is.

i have always had a MAJOR soft spot for women who can't have babies.

i mean they can still have wonderful lives and wonderful children

but i just really want to hug them all.

i really do recognize the miracle of being pregnant.

i don't ever want to take it for granted, 

because i know there are some women who would do anything

to be in my shoes.

and then there are some who would do anything NOT to be pregnant.

its so sad how the world works sometimes. 

i never know quite how to address this issue because i've never been in their shoes.

but i read something on my new favorite blog about her struggle with infertility.

laura bush wrote something that she could identify with.:

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

im not going to try to come up with some consolidating words for these couples.

because i assume their scars are too deep to just slap a band aid over them.

I just want to say I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I'm sorry more people don't understand what it is like,

 or the exquisite pain it can create.

I'm sorry if it seems like other people who are easily able to get pregnant

take it for granted.

I'm sorry that it just isn't fair.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

i am not quite 12 weeks (more like 11 1/2), but for the sake of whole numbers,

im gonna say I'm 

12 WEEKS

and here are some fun pregnancy updates. 

Weight Gain:

-2 lbs. ya, bad.

 i think it might be related to the fact that i can barely hold anything down.

Symptoms:

-tired, seriously no energy. i feel like a bum all the time.

- nausea/throwing up. i feel like i throw up more than i pee. which is saying something.

tmi? sorry, not sorry.

-occassional headaches but this area has improved from a couple weeks ago

- dizziness, lower back pain

- my tummy is enlarging, but nobody could ever know i was pregnant. basically i just look like I've been eating 12 extra donuts a day.

What Baby is up to:

growing fingers, toes, and ears, oh my!

Gender Predictions:

i really really think its a boy.

Food aversions:

uhm, most things with sauce or strong smells.

Food cravings:

still candy. and nachos. and the other night i woke up because i was having such an intense craving for pizza hut personal pan pepperoni pizza. oh yes. I'm very specific with my cravings.

Daddy is feeling:

excited. he still rubs my belly and asks 'hows my son?' every time he sees me :)

{ok so we both think its a boy.} 

Fun moments this week:

hearing the baby's heartbeat! PURE  joy joy joy joy joy!

#andthatsallihavetosayabouthat.

- feeling my stomach get a lot firmer. 

Excited for:

- ultrasound

- getting a noticeable baby bump! 

 so i love being pregnant, officially.

i love everything about it.

yes, even the yucky stuff.

i was thinking about how beautiful pregnancy is.

how it is the perfect preparation for having a baby.

you are sick, you are tired, your life is different.

you are learning the beauty of sacrifice.

you are learning how to literally give your life completely to another human being.

you are learning what it really means to be selfless.

you are learning that this sacrifice allows love to exponentially and infinitely grow. 

you are learning how to sacrifice for your child.

and then you are learning to love sacrificing for you child.

because you are learning that is what motherhood is all about.

and once your baby is out, then you REALLY understand what sacrifice is.

pregnancy is just a cute little preparation for it ;)

hope you enjoyed this big fat pregnancy post, no pun intended.

actually yes, the pun WAS intended.

PS thanks for everyone's comments on my baby names post, tons of good ideas! :)