Wednesday, May 29, 2013

2 things you don't say to your pregnant, hormonal wife.

1. while rubbing your belly, he comes across a pink mark and asks "what's that?!"
oh nothing just the hideous manifestation of me growing your child. aka the stretch mark.
what else would it be?
husbands- if you happen to come across one of these on your wife's belly- SAY NOTHING.
and just for the record, i only have gotten a few small ones on my sides. not ideal, but could be worse.

2. the second thing you don't say to your pregnant wife is almost a post in and of itself:

so jeff and i were at a wedding the other day. while we were waiting for the couple to come out,
we stalked other random newlyweds. obviously. we saw one couple in particular that both looked like they had just stepped out of a magazine. total models, i tell you. it was a little ridiculous.
to make myself feel better about not being a model  i said: "I bet their kids will be ugly." (rude, i know)
the only reason i can justify saying such a comment is that it is probably false. and i was mostly kidding.
but everyone knows that happens sometimes- two really good looking people have pretty average, or below average looking kids. in my experience, the most common scenario is 2 medium looking people having drop dead gorgeous children. am i right? i informed jeff of this and then said (perhaps too optimistically) "i think you and i are medium looking, so maybe that means we will have really good looking kids!"

he doesn't say anything for a moment.
and then, as if i was no longer in an emotionally delicate, hormonal and semi-irrational state
he said in his most serious, nonchalant tone "ehh, i think we are a little less than medium."

i gasped. my husband thinks I'm in the 30th percentile (or lower) of attractiveness!
awesome.
i already feel like a bloated whale, but i liked to think of myself as at least a medium looking bloated whale.
he had plenty of good excuses and "that's not what i meant" statements
that he whipped out to (unsuccessfully) undo his undo-able comment.

so anyways, does anyone know what the chances that two less than medium looking people will have good looking children?

i fear they may be doomed.

and here is a picture of two really attractive people for your viewing pleasure. wouldn't want to burn your eyeballs with yet another picture of the less than medium andersens.



disclaimer: we may not be the hottest on the block, but we sure are in love. (even despite the occasional undo-able comment) and given the option between those two, i would totally choose the love over and over again :)

one other small confession. jeff and i went to the dollar movies 2 nights in a row.
glad that's off my chest.



7 comments:

  1. They really are a striking couple. But so are you guys! hah! After reading what he said, I didn't think much of it. But I can totally see why you took it that way! hah

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    1. well thanks! yeah i was mostly pretending to be offended just because its so funny to joke about. he has told me I'm pretty far more times than he has slipped a comment like that so i forgive him but i just think its funny to be dramatic about it. ;) jeff rolled his eyes to the back of his head when he saw this post. haha

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  2. Haha, Kerri you have a way with words. Every time I read your posts I literally laugh out loud. And trust me, I've known you since high school and you've always been beautiful, and were the most adorable child in the world so your children will most definitely be attractive (just don't expect much that first month, they all look kind of alien-like). Aaaaand thank you for including me in your post, MADE my day!
    xo

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    1. haha thanks lauren...i guess we will see in 5 days right? and thanks for being my hot couple friend :)

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  3. Ha ha ha! This was funny. Sometimes husbands have the worst "foot in mouth" moments, but you know at the end of the day he chose YOU out of everyone, so that makes up for it. :-) Can't wait to see your super-attractive baby. ;-)

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