But this scripture brought me a lot of comfort. "...the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the things which he commandeth them." (1 nephi 3:7) So, i was obeying a commandment of having children which meant that there actually was a way for me to accomplish this daunting task.
And look. I've done it. It has been a growing experience for Jeff and I. It has been rip-your-hair-out challenging. It has been i-seriously-hate-my-professor-so-much-for-having-an-attendance-policy frustrating. It has been if-i-have-to-leave-my-baby-again-i-might-explode heartbreaking. It has been the-dishes-can-sit-for-one-more-night exhausting. But it's funny because it only took one smile from my sweet baby to completely wipe away any overwhelming emotions.
Somehow I was able to do well in my classes even when my only homework time was jane's nap time. Somehow, there were angels who were willing to watch and love my sweet baby when we needed. Somehow, jeff's job is incredibly flexible and he was able to pick his own hours. Somehow, the way was prepared.
And now as I look back, I don't deny it was hard, but I am also so grateful for the experience. And it was wonderful. And even though everyone around me was saying "you are in school with a baby?! that SUCKS!", I actually felt a profound sense of gratitude. I was able to be a mother to perfection personified, and I was simultaneously receiving an education at my absolute DREAM school. There weren't many days at BYU that I took for granted. It is like heaven on earth to me. After all, when I found out that I got into BYU, I wrote in my journal in big block letters: "I GOT INTO BYU. I WILL LITERALLY NEVER BE SAD AGAIN!!"
Getting into BYU was one of my biggest dreams in life. And it was while at BYU that all the rest of my dreams came true too.
made some lifelong friends
made a life-changing trip
made my dream guy fall in love with me ;)
then i made him marry me
then we made a baby (very shortly after...)
and that's by far the best thing i've ever made.
[insert picture of me in my byu graduation gown here. only i never ordered one so hopefully one of my friends will let me borrow theirs so i can take a picture that says "hey look at me! i fulfilled the byu stereotype by getting married AND having a baby before i graduated. HOORAY!" but really. i am 100% happy to be fulfilling that stereotype.]