There was a guy in high school who I had a big fat crush on and then he seemingly returned the sentiment. We were best friends. With benefits? I will never be able to explain that relationship to anyone, but all I know was that I allowed it to rob me of 3 years of happiness. Off and on like a darn light switch. That human that I simply could not let go of regardless of the horrific things he did to me and how horribly he made me feel. I let my fragile emotions be manipulated like a rag doll and I relied on his actions for my own validation. Pathetic! I look back and all I feel is utter humiliation. I cannot believe my self esteem was so low that I was willing to let someone treat me that way and affect my happiness in such a big way.
I hope my daughter can learn to value herself enough to realize that she deserves to be treated royally. I hope to teach her that forgiveness is always important, but that forgiveness doesn't mean you let someone back in, just to destroy you all over again. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things.
Someone upstairs was looking out for me and my foolish emotions, and sent me my wonderful husband just in time. Of course I fell for him hard and fast and he has always treated me the way I deserve. I'm thankful everyday I ended up with him. But still, I've learned to not let my happiness be based on relationships.
Please little Jane, learn from your mommy's mistakes. Be proud of who you are!
(also, i wrote this post NEVER intending to post it in a million years and somehow my subconscious mind clicked publish and there is no going back I suppose....)