can't stop won't stop? actually, i can.

Okay, so this week I am not eating any sugar. One of my goals for this year was to go for one week a month without sugar. Mostly to prove to myself that I do indeed have an ounce of self control. And also  because I feel like my body needs a detox like that every now and then. I sometimes feel like I am addicted to sugar, so I like to show my body whatsup by not eating any and proving that I'm capable of refraining. Like, this morning, I turned down homemade cinnamon rolls and last night I declined my favorite sour gummy candy...so basically I rock. But I like the feeling of being in control.

While I've been eating healthy and doing things like this all in the name of "self control", i also realized there were some other areas of my life that needed similar attention. Especially today as I listened to General Conference. but anyways. SOCIAL MEDIA. I swear I check Facebook way too much. It's my first instinct every time I open up the internet browser on my computer. I check it more than I should, almost mindlessly, without even realizing it. I've wasted a lot of time on it. And you know what? I want to have control over myself NOW, in this area. I keep telling myself I need Facebook so that I can link my blog and all my friends can read it. But it isn't worth it to me anymore. My blog will probably always be just that, a blog. And those people who actually want to read it, will still read it whether or not I post it to Facebook.

I once had dreams of becoming a famous blogger and earning money from it. But not if it means I have to be a social media junkie. That's not what I want to be. I want my daughter to think of me as an interactive, intelligent, and attentive mother who makes good use of her time. I actually have made a goal this year to be on the computer/phone only while she is sleeping and I have been good at that, but not perfect. It just bugs me when I get on the computer to do homework and 20 minutes later I realize I am on Facebook and I'm like how did i even get here? It's like my agency was temporarily blurred or forfeited. And that's not ok. I've realized that i just need to DELETE IT. #endofstory

As mormons, we are encouraged to not drink, smoke, or do drugs. A big reason for this is because we know that these things alter our minds and often times take away our agency to some degree. Well, I want to feel like I have my full agency in this matter, as well. Because every virtue can become a vice. And in the end, restricting myself from things like this is more liberating than it is restricting.

Now, I know a lot of people who have a Facebook and use it wisely, and in moderation. I WISH I was like that. But I just check  it more than I should, and it's such a habit. and more than a habit, maybe...ok i hate the word addiction but I may as well admit it; addiction.

Anyways, that's my decision. I'm not saying it has to be yours too, but that is what's happening. It probably seems dramatic or silly or lame to many of you, but it's just what I feel like I want/need to do. This is not easy for me. I'll miss seeing pictures and updates from people I know; but it's just not as important to me as the bad things that come from having a Facebook. (but brendon, william, and rachel; just know that whenever any of you start liking/dating someone, i will certainly sneak onto jeff's Facebook to check them out. ha)

So, see ya later (actually, never) Facebook. I'll be busy loving on this little sweetie.